I don't deny that...!

I don’t believe it’s been really this long since I last wrote something. The numerous thoughts that run in my head and the mental enunciations of those make me feel like I have it all penned down…! Somehow, I refuse to believe my own self that I actually did not write them. Guess that’s how we all deal with a lot of things in life, via the shortcut of “Denial”

And today when I finally got down to writing, it seems I can’t get past my own self without a humble confession! As it turns out denial isn’t all that fun, Huh!

We all live these denials day in & day out, in multiple facets of life.

Plenty many of us took a subject in school / college that maybe was the one that appealed to our parents or some significant other more, than it did to us?

A plentiful stay in a relationship that probably wasn’t the best for them but somehow since the denial kicked in life seemed normal.

Relatives, friends, people at work, neighbors, the jobs we do and the lives we live… everything seems to be surrounded by this crazy parasite – Denial. If not all the things at all the times there certainly are some of them at some of the times totally hijacked!

I still believe that we all have this great conversations with ourselves and let the damn denial live with us cause eventually we establish this give & take, this mutually benefitting situation with our momentous denials that we have agreed – can contentedly stay in our lives.

Having said this, like most other things that impact our lives strongly, denials are a matter of degree & are relative.  The beliefs that we negotiate with, the feelings that we compromise and the lies we tell ourselves are the nastiest kind of denials.  

The most interesting thing about denial is that it sometimes makes us a different person all together. Sometimes a better one indeed! A simple denial to a fact that one might have certain shortcomings could lead you to work your way into achieving heights that ordinarily might have been way beyond your scope. Coming to think of it, on the outside nothing is wrong if a little denial is getting you to do wonders. However, the tiny little problem in such a state would be that one might come to believe that they are beyond failure in all they endeavor.

That’s exactly the point where the side effects of living in denial would kick in. The very first one being a simple one that you are living in a fool’s paradise assuming everything you touch would turn to gold! Now that’s not exactly a good power to have – we’ve all learned that when we were a bunch of four year olds!

The thing with living in denial is that it’s like an addiction. To maintain your story you would lie to your friends & family, to the near & dear, to the loved ones and worst of all to yourself.  The funny outcome of life going on in denial is that it shakes your trust in all around you. Since you have been so seasoned in lying to yourself with every breath you take that it’s practically impossible to believe that everything around you isn’t a big conspiracy, that everyone else is wrong and they are all out there to get you. And I am the only one who is always the victim.

Well keep denying all you can, but in case you missed noticing it’s not leading to happiness. Is why the constant tussle – of you with you! It’s like this temporary fix on a messed up wheel of your car – it can be a great stop gap arrangement for a few miles but if you don’t get a permanent fix on it – well no surprises very soon it will burst!!

The best part is when in denial all our excuses seem so genuine and hence we don’t feel guilty, as we are so bloody convinced that it isn’t a lie.

So whether it’s that talent that you think you have – but you don’t. That relative that you believe you struck a chord with years ago – but you haven’t. That best neighbor you always wanted to be,  that dependable colleague you always thought you were or the perfect confidant that you think you are – but you aren’t… the desire to believe that you in fact are all these things,  would suck you into denial, before you know it. Before you ever get to really work on that special kind of person that you always thought you are gradually becoming,  denial would have taught you to lie seamlessly to your own self…

“The worst kind of lies are the ones that we tell ourselves before we go to bed!”

The trick lies in getting tricked & tricking others at times but in never ever falling into our own pretty little lies!

Deny That… Will Ya… !

ruchi