Inside Out... Women at Work ... !

Firstly, I have to admit I almost forgot I use to write. It's been shamefully long when I last wrote something here. Although, I do have to admit while I was away from writing I did thoroughly enjoy reading a whole lot more... last year I succeeded in my mammoth new year resolution of wanting to read 50 books in the year - I ended up reading 54 [now that also includes all kinds of kids books like "the diary of the wimpy kid" that I had to read cause my son insisted I do, plus I ran out of books at hand]

Nonetheless, I read and I read and I read... this year is going to be far from 50., and yes it's the same old excuse "I have no time". However, this year the kind of books I've read have more depth in them. Every book has resulted into either one work strategy or one personal life mantra. So I guess what I am doing here is covering up for not reading as much by posing that I'm reading better quality books... see... now that is a better excuse than "I have no time" ;)

Well my count of books isn't what got me to writing today, it's this lingering thought that I've been really keen on sharing for a while. As a woman myself I wouldn't call diversity the shiny object that everyone is after these days, cause I genuinely understand the need to focus on it. Having said that I'm constantly thinking we've go it all wrong.

The workplace equality and the work life balance when it comes to women at work needs a different approach to problem solving. We are seeing all kinds of reports & analytics on the initiatives the women friendly organizations take, the policies that need to be women friendly and the flexibility that needs to be given to enable and empower women. some also take it to the far end of having all of these also aligned to the men who are the so called "family men".. whatever that means by the way!

Endless reports, reviews, policies and countless conversations with so many other working women I know, I don't know and I have read about all have got me to think - we've got it all wrong, we are after the wrong problem. Make no mistake; there is this problem that women need to get better jobs, pay equality and everything that we are all working so hard for. Not for a moment am I underestimating the magnitude of that problem. All I want to make the point about is that we are looking in the wrong direction for the solution.

Every initiative, every agenda, every diversity supporting organization today in the world is after every possible organization to have a women empowering & promoting culture, policies, work environment, pay structure etc. etc...

NO ONE ... & I am certain NO ONE... is looking at the support system that one needs at home from the family, the culture you come from & the pressing needs you have at home. Let me enunciate with my own example - I am and always have been a working woman. I've lived a life, I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a daughter in law, a sister, a friend AND I have a career and aspirations to do more and better in my career.

I couldn't have done this if I was not raised to believe in myself and to give everything the same kind of importance - to my life, my work, my kids, my family... And all of this upbringing would have done no good if my husband did not also played by the same rules... to him work & kids & life all are the same things. I know this sounds high level - let me take a moment with this thought...

I've met so many, and trust me so so many women at work, in the neighborhood, in my own friend circle, back from school girls who use to be the one's spending all their time studying for engineering and entrances who are now successfully raising kids, taking them to classes & soccer games. Their lives revolve around healthy menu's, school calendars, husbands hectic work schedules and sometimes - their own jobs.

Yet again - this is not about working vs non working moms - this is about are you in a job & complaining about equality because your firm doesn't have flex hours or are you up to making a career where you work your heart out because that's what gives you the joy... the sense of achievement.

It takes a village for a culture to change, we women have come where we have on the backs of other women who had no opportunities for education, no exposure to the real world and yet by sheer determination they made it all worth it! We owe it to them  - when you meet women who complain that they are not getting a promotion or  a raise or are struggling to keep the job - dig a little deeper and ask - what is the support system at home? Do their husbands pick up the kids if they have to stay late? Do they need to say no to travel because the husband simply won't allow? [yes, some still need a permission slip!!] or they've been doing a half hearted assignment because they must be available for kids after school - because of course that's purely the woman's job to do...

The thing we must really strive for is the education and equality mindset at home. If you are not treated as an equal at home no matter how many policies an organization changes to accommodate the woman workforce this will be an ongoing problem. Everyone screaming their gut out for diversity and inclusion and women rights are a little bit like those political parties who work for the poor and suppressed. They will make fantastic speeches for the upliftment of the poor - but at the same time they will also ensure there is no true upliftment - cause then they'll have no jobs... they want people to remain poor and suppressed... Similarly by focussing only on organizations we will ALWAYS continue to have woman in the back seat struggling for equality.

While we keep focusing only on organizations to be more and more accommodating this only makes the situation worse. We certainly need to have policies that are good for all & also, we need to raise our kids to be truly aspirational & successful & respectful of others, just as we like to be treated ourselves. If I am able to have a career today it is because there are days I miss the school meetings but my husband attends those, if I travel he manages the house, if I am getting a seat at the table he cherishes me for my accomplishments and cheers for me and doesn't make me go on guilt trips for not being around as much.

If I were to live with a guy who wanted hot meals, wanted to travel like a free bird & have me exclusively on the kids & home duty - all the woman friendly policies in the world wouldn't have let me have a career - let alone a successful & gratifying one.. !

Like the old saying goes, "charity begins at home" all good things originate at home, whether it's teaching your kids good manners or respecting women, or being humble and polite... it all starts at home. You want to see your woman soaring to the heights and end this phenomenon of diversity you need to start the support system at home.

All the great leaders I have worked with and am working with have all at all times shown great respect for intelligence, hard work and the will to succeed  - irrespective of which gender these things are demonstrated by. All the good leaders I know have a successful & supporting life partner who is also doing great things in life and was not held back so the man or woman in the house could succeed...

If you need true diversity - you start at home, the organizations have come a far way along with all the awesome policies to make life amazing for everyone - men & women alike... & those who don't won't survive in the long run!

Go back to look inside out, the problem you've been looking to fix outside may actually be inside the household, inside the relationship, inside the heads of the people you spend your life with...

If you want the organization to improve your start with yourself, the organization is made of you not the other way around!!

To all the strong women & to all the men who stand by them... !

Magic of 15 Minutes

Ever felt so overwhelmed that you knew that you don’t need a weekend but may be 10 uninterrupted days… to take care of home, kids, work, other chores and not even counting a moment of peace with your own self!! The problem is in that state of mind even [I know hypothetical] but even if you did get those 10 days you wouldn’t have accomplished half of what you’d like to do.

Well as much as it is, it isn’t my Sunday evening anxiety. It was like a – “eureka moment” this afternoon when I got more done in a few hours than what I did all weekend!

Well mostly my Sunday’s are more productive because my Panic monster wakes up at that time. Like how Tim Urban mentioned in his TED Talk, my Panic monster wakes up at the right time, and truly takes care of all my procrastinations.

Well back to the real deal – the success mantra – 15 minutes!

So let’s start with a simple confession – I like lists. I like to make lists about everything I have to do – work, home, chores… you name it. What ends up happening there is I end up having many lists – soon perhaps a list to manage my lists! Ouch... let’s hope it doesn’t go that far!

So, the thing with these lists is I always know what all is due and I am constantly worrying about all that “still” needs to be done.

While I was making something in the microwave [ok, don’t judge, I am a working mom, with an Indian husband – they don’t do household chores!! – so I do “at times” cook stuff in microwave] – well anyways, when I set the timer to 5 minutes I was just beginning to unloading the dishwasher – to my surprise, it took me 3 mins to finish and I came back to the microwave with 2 mins to spare…! Kaboom! I just got more time to select what was I going make tomorrow morning so I can do some prepping. The finish tone of the microwave led me to this amazing game of timing all I do – so now I started timing myself for everything I had to do.

Nothing – trust me nothing in the house was a job that took more than 15 mins at once.  

I tried this with every single household chores, activities with kids, everything – well to be honest I have 2 boys and their attention span is smaller than a goldfish!! So just lucked out on that one. Anyways, to my surprise I did In fact, got more things done than ever before. I sat down for 15 mins slots during the day for my emails – better than constantly checking them on the phone and forgetting or marking a flag and then worrying you have to work on it.

My cooking prep – 15 mins, ironing for the week – 15 mins – you name it!

The key is not to make everything a project of your life time. I use to do that. Not being able to take things one at time and trying to just get on with it – instead making it is the biggest project and a matter of life and death is the biggest monkey business of all times. It gets in the way of doing almost everything.

The truth is not everything needs 15 mins – there are so many bigger projects in life that would need all your time, attention and dedication. However, the magic lies in getting these 15 mins chores done so they don’t come to haunt you while you are concentrating on your bigger more important projects. When I was done with my 15 mins items from my multiple long lists I was left with the few I really wanted to work on.

For those cynics reading this and getting tactical – yes not everything is 15 mins, but If some are more than 15 then some are less than 15 mins J

Well like all good thoughts in life – some may apply to you some won’t – If this one does, I’m glad to have taken the 15 mins to write this one out!!

Happy Sunday!!

Oops ! I fractured my motivation!

What really motivates you? We all know we need motivation to do almost anything in life. As clinched as it sounds but we all follow someone, look up to someone and want to be like someone - sometimes we want to be everything but like the ones we know! That too counts as motivation by the way

As much as it’s a much talked about and much needed concept, I am not after it today. I have been thinking about the peripheral concepts or the sidebars if you will. I believe motivation is the first cousin of happiness. The way you approach happiness in life is going to be more or less the way in which you would approach motivation. 

Not to simplify that happy people are motivated and motivated people are happy but it wouldn’t hurt to connect the dots. 

The first peripheral concept is our expectation from every leader in our life to be the reason for your motivation. Now not everyone who is in a leadership role is actually a leader. Needless to say they may not be in that place where they are able to motivate others, at times even themselves. Basically our expectation is that every one in a significant position would have attained self actualization. So these people have a more efficient perception of reality, are more accepting of themselves and others, appreciate life and our guided by their inner goals and are able to uplift the others around them - sounds familiar - self motivated & able to motivate others around them :)

So now i have added a third concept that i am saying are synonymous - happiness, motivation & self actualization. 

Think about the leader who influences you the most. Do you think they are able to motivate you, they bring out the best in you, you wish you could be like them some day and thats all that would make you successful and happy! It’s all connected - you believe that your success - derived by motivation and your happiness through this self actualization is all that you work for, all that your desire and deserve…

Now also think about a similarly significant leader who you expected to have motivated you, help you “arrive” in your career or maybe even your life that would bring happiness - none of that happens. You feel betrayed, you expected this leader to be super happy in life and have achieved all they could and are now to guide and mentor people like you - well same logic, just because they are in that leadership role doesn’t mean they are really leaders. 

The concept is just like the quote - “you want to be happy - then be” - You wanna be motivated - then be, you want to rise above and beyond where you are, then do it. It’s in your hands and your control and not in your current leader or anyone else’s. However, we like to complicate it - we like to have expectations and then proceed with disappointments - thats quite a side effect. 

The good news is there is no preset rule that your supervisor needs to be self actualized before you do… !

The leader in you is nurtured by the influence and impact you create, the passion you bring to the table and is not confined by the boundaries of your designation or title. The way you define yourself as a leader is by the standard you set for yourself, how motivated you are and how happy you feel doing what you do. 

Yet again, i have added another term that i believe joins the gang with being a synonym here - passion. 

If you do what are passionate about you are happy, when you do something that makes you happy, you are motivated to do more of it, when you do more and more of something & stay happy while you do it, you attain self actualization - then all that remains is to go beyond your self and guide mentor and groom others - motivate others. 

The difference is very simple - those who are meagre leaders like to be the most knowledgeable in the room, those who are self actualized would know if they are the most knowledgeable person in the room - they are in the wrong room. 

My take don’t limit your vision for leaders around those with titles look for them in those who impact, influence and make it happen. 

Kung Fu Panda and Leadership Skills

I having been mulling over the concept of how two totally different personalities get to work along with each other so well. Something we all have come across a few times in our lives. At times we would notice and then let it go. I was particularly intrigued by these two leaders I once worked with – with strikingly different personalities, I mean literally so different that each one would blow your mind in a good – but – very different way. I was immensely impressed by both, loved working with both and learned a lot from both. One super chatty and humorous the other extremely scanty with words, wise and sarcastic…! Freaking – ALL the things I Love!!

While I drove back home through this beautiful road filled with vibrant fall colors all the thoughts about leaders and work started to fade away just like the pretty leaves I was admiring.

It was my day to pick up kids and with everything else going on and the husband still at work I gave into the kids begging to watch a movie on a school night. We all agreed to settle with Kung Fu Panda as we ate dinner in front of the TV – there goes rule number 2!!

As I started watching the movie with the boys my thoughts from earlier that day about the differences in the leadership and personalities came back for some reason. Perhaps, as I realized the movie is based on simple principles of success and leadership – that apply anywhere from alternate china populated by anthromorphic animals to the real time corporate world.

Po – our dear Panda from this movie is a passionate, enthusiastic, very big and very clumsy – yet the biggest fan of Kung Fu and extremely well read who knows all about the masters and all that has ever existed about Kung Fu. In what seems like a tragic accident he gets picked as the dragon master who is prophesized to bring peace to the valley. He is obviously picked by this grand master on his way out to “nirvana” Oogway – a turtle. His selection is majorly despised by the current Kung Fu trainer / master [in our parlance the current boss] Sheefoo – a rat - Apparently because he has been training his own 5 Kung Fu experts to be the next dragon warier – who according to Oogway din make the cut compared to our “Big Fat Panda”

 

 

Now at the outset of these movies – yes there are more than one of these movies, it seems like here is a disaster hero who got lucky and because this is the hero of the movie they have got to have him win in the end.

Interestingly, there is a more insightful way of looking at it.

Po – the panda is not visually appealing to be a kung Fu expert, he has zero discipline, has a great sense of humor, loves food, and yadi yadi ya… all the stuff that makes us all the inferior breed of leaders in the current perceptions and popular definition of great leaders…

However, all throughout these movies he ultimately has an upper edge to all the other far better trained kung Fu folks cause he is the most well-read amongst them all, is inquisitive, doesn’t hesitate to ask questions - even the awkward ones, enjoys all his passions and truly takes comforts in his choices – whether it’s collecting facts about all the masters or eating or even lazing around – he does them all with absolutely honesty.

It happens with a lot of leaders – they are very good at what they do, they are pretty much invincible in their technique. However, there are some who are constantly learning, exploring and adding to their knowledge base. Like how they say, “If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room”. Every single leader I have ever looked up to – read at the least one book a week – that’s 54 books every year!!

Po here is a big fan of all his colleagues / friends / team members and even his enemies that he needs to fight. The last one is the most interesting one, he is so passionate about Kung Fu that he knows the whole history, moves and the great abilities & short comings of his enemies too. That gives him a certain edge – the power of knowledge, makes him a respectable and to an extent a likeable opponent – something we all might enjoy – a great across the table moment with a worthy intellectual opponent.

The concept of the dragon scroll – which supposedly was the secret power that would have made dragon warier invincible turns up empty and it reflected Po’s own face – the point being - no matter how much you have studied or learned something, no matter how much experience you have, what excellent stuff you and your team put together – the key is how do YOU create a differentiator.  The simple fact that this particular pitch is being made by you or the training is being led by you or a meeting that is being facilitated by you – what is your individual contribution to up the game?

Once you do get in the big dream come true role – that a few others have been prepping for a substantial amount of time how do you treat them – in this case Po continues to acknowledge their skills and abilities and the respect is a constant high for what they have been training all their lives.

Are you able to use your emotions to your benefit – the whole aspect of emotional intelligence is the same to me like work life balance – you never know what’s really good enough.

I could go on and on and on – the little girl inside me is jumping up and down in awe of the movie that made her connect with the passionate grown up corporate woman – who likes to dream big just like Po!

Finally, it brings me back to the thought that started this whole thought process – the two leaders I started our little chat with – I believe now I know why they get along so well professionally even though every atom in their personality is different. It’s because they both have something in common – the basic values of a great leader – respect, passion and integrity. Seems I finally have solved my riddle of how am I equally amazed by two totally different leaders?

Well, the thing is they may be totally different personalities – but they are not totally different leaders.

Thanks for stopping by, keep up the leader in you and take the time to enjoy the cartoons… J

 

Only Me ruchi: Stay in your Lane

Only Me ruchi: Stay in your Lane: It’s been a busy week..! I am so tempted to complete that sentence by “at work” but that won’t be necessarily true. It’s convenient to b...

Stay in your Lane

It’s been a busy week..! I am so tempted to complete that sentence by “at work” but that won’t be necessarily true. It’s convenient to blame work for your lack of hours in the day. Although, that may not be completely true. We all have tons to do at home, for our self, for the kids and then a busy day at work may seem to hit on your last nerve. My long distance commute and exhausted brain got me to think that what really exhausts us may not necessarily be the number of hours at work or the list of chores that patiently awaits your coming home, it could simply be a stumble upon someone’s nose that you happen to find in your business.

Strangely enough, all that we need to for our personal sanity and all the way up to “world peace” is one simple mantra – “Stay in your lane” – mind your own business, do not mess with others! Yeah, you read that right, the amount of energy it takes to mess with others life can be draining enough for you – you may not realize it in the moment of getting the cheap thrills of messing with others, but life for you isn’t good either when you mess with others.

Think of the simple analogy in real sense for a bit – you are driving on a freeway at an average speed of 70-75 miles/hr.  Life is good, moving ahead smooth and steady, you know nothing needs to change for a good number of miles. When does the trouble begin? Only when either you or someone around you refuses to stay in the lane! Simple!

Life my friend is just the same – stay in your lane and life is good! The trouble in life happens when either you enter a different lane or when someone else enters your lane… just like you know that people are clueless about your life, your life choices and the good bad and ugly that you’ve been through – you equally have no idea what their journey has been like! So quit messing around and mind your own damn business.

As annoying as it is to have someone else poke their nose into your life, it’s probably even more exhausting when you do the same to others. Entering another lane isn’t easy in heavy traffic on a freeway. You take calculated risks, you have to time it well and you need to avoid accidents by all means. If you end up making a mistake you are going to have to pay for it. If you think too much is going on, take a break and think – have you been visiting too many other lanes lately –if the answer is yes, stop right away. Maybe it’s time to visit the rest area – go get coffee…

Interestingly enough, this is also the mantra for your professional success. Every successful & accomplished person you think about did what they had to do and not everyone else’s job. Everyone you see struggling at work or having a rough day at work is either dealing with someone trying to break into their lanes or is troubled because they themselves are trying to barge into someone else’s lane.

When people focus on their job, their deliverables without focusing on everyone else’s job the only way out is success. When people live their own lives without focusing on others the outcome is happiness!

Stay in your lane and keep moving forward!

 

 

The Good Witch

So I was having this quite Sunday evening  and surprisingly enough I had the TV left alone for me. For some strange reason Shaury had decided to play with his toys, explore his books and do everything else but watch TV!! What’s even more surprising is that at that very moment there was actually something nice on tv!! So I sat down to watch the series of “The Good Witch”.

The movie just reassured my belief in magic. Ah, don’t worry am not going to turn this blog into one of those Harry Potter kind series – although I enjoyed all the movies, but still – NO. That’s not the kind of magic I am talking about. The simple belief that – all that happens, happens for good – is a sort of magic, a mother putting a baby down to sleep is magic, a smell from long long ago reminding you of summers at your granny’s is magic, in the deepest darkest times you still hope for good is magic, you finding the love of your life in the strangest ways is magic!!

There is a lil bit of magic in every walk of life. We all believe in it in our own secret and discrete ways. To notice this magic we just need be a little extra alert and there the crystal ball makes it all clear.

We begin our life with magical stories. All the fairytales were probably the best thing that ever happened to you for a long long time and thanks to Disney it’s much much prettier than your imagination!!

Trust is a fragile thing, once earned it affords us tremendous freedom. But once it’s lost the damage is beyond repair. Of course the truth is that we never know who we can trust.  It’s the dilemma of this trust quotient that allows the ones who are closest to us are ones who can betray us and those who are total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end most people decide to trust themselves only. That’s what the magic in you can do to you. you have to trust yourself and the magic in you at all times else the suspicions can end in tragedy and the shallow trust you show in others without having total faith in your own self will be put to trial at every step in life…

Magic no magic, the life goes on…. Well actually the true thing to say would be that whether you have noticed the magic of your life or not,,, life still does go on…! It does takes us to be in the darkest moments of our life to see the magic of light. We all have it within us, but not all of us see it.

Sometimes the only magic we seek is magic itself!

The good witch though a witch… is good. Is trying to fix people, things and the town of Middleton on the whole!! The simple reason why she could fix things was not only because she is the witch but because she knows what she wants and who she wants and how to get that… with us, the humans, the situation is that we are all searching for someone, that special companion, some kind of assistance and safety. Depending on the will with which you seek magic and how clearly you see that magic inside is the effort with which we search. There are times when we are searching very hard… and we do find all three. Sometimes when we fail miserably in finding any of this and we resort to praying that they find us…! At this point we depart from our own magical strengths… we lose the good witch within us and crave for help in desperate ways… those are the moments if not dealt well can turn the good witch in us into an evil one…!

To know if u are still working with good magic or black magic, if you are the good witch or the evil twin is very simple, u just need to know if u r desperate in seeking what you crave for or are u in the process of evolving yourself at the right pace…!

May the good witch live long !!