To start with, I know it's purely my bad that I am treating this blog as my personal diary..! I think of it only when I’ve had too much to think!! Guess I have come to terms with the fact that our thoughts do have a linkage. No matter how random they seem, no matter some of them make you wonder - how come? Why now? And most of the times we never get answers to such questions in our head. Still, I completely agree that they do have a linkage.
At this point in time, my thought about this whole linkage theory started with wanting to write for a while and was not even able to log into the BlogSpot, forget writing. Some bit of me, was guilty, another bit was justifying why I can’t write now, and there is a third one too who keeps rolling with laughter in my endless fight "to be"!!
I have no clue any more that the entire struggle is to be the woman I’d like to be, I am striving to be, I’d love to be or is the effort entirely "just to be"??
On the face of it, the simple answer seems to be - C'est la vies! Ah bien sure - C’est la vie... n'est pa!!
But that's kinda not the point; the point is the stampede of thoughts inside my mind. There are zillions of them getting crushed under zillion others. I created them all - I love them all like my own babies, not sure why I m letting this stampede happen!!
Most of the times when people ask me about what kind of person I am - I take pride in describing myself as the "Monica from FRIENDS" But when I get lost in the mess of my mind, I feel I still have more to learn - no matter how many re-runs I watch of friends, no matter I know the entire script now - word by word - I aint Monica - I am still to learn to organize my thoughts.
There are times when the tussle is between managing work & home, which sometimes I believe is the most critical one, but when I move to the next fight, I think no - the bigger worry is to sort out issues between the career me & the caring me, then it moves to the mom me & the wife me, then it goes to the daughter me & the sister me, then I also have to worry about losing all my friends while I walk ahead - coz of course I have no time for them.
The saddest part here is I get no attention in this entire worrying business!
So now I have finally reached a larger question - is it all the above that I just mentioned vs. Me???
Even more interesting is the fact that as much as I crave for an answer to the above question, I dread getting one. I know whichever ways I aint gonna like it, those around me, aint gonna like it. Now that links to another thought - Do we really seek answers? or Do we just wish to keep adding to our question banks? I am sure we don’t want a straight answer to this one too; it’s kinda slap in the face... either ways actually.
Yet again, we continue to ask, we continue to seek!
