Shree Bhagwat Gita teaches us to believe in doing our duties and
not to expect any results or favors in return for the same. A lot of us
earnestly try to incorporate the same as well. How much and how effectively is
of course a matter of degree. I am yet to come across a fellow being who has
never ever done any good to anyone. We all do our good deeds, sometimes in
anticipation of a handsome return and sometimes just like that. The feel good
associated with a good deed can truly be a kick.
In reality - this never expect a return from your deed actually is the secondary concept. I am not even going to debate it - cause that’s not the point anyways. What got me thinking was why in the first place do we do certain good deeds? What makes you do them - rather compels you to be good? What if one fine day you are exhausted being good and you no longer wish to be good to someone or in certain situations?
Well, the simple answer is you will always be good. Don’t worry I have no cruel intentions of false flattery - you are not the best person in this world and being good is not your “the best” quality that I am going to harp on today. It’s just that the good in this world and thus in you prevails and continues to grow because we cannot simply stop being good or nice. It’s one of those compulsive behaviors. who you chose to be good with and why is your selfish call, how much you like to bend and break to be good to people is also your personal judgment - like it or you don’t, you are doing it willingly or compulsively - you will still forever continue be good.
Now what’s wrong in being good - it’s
good to be good - right?
Depends - on the number of thankless and ungrateful people you are surrounded by. There are times when some appreciations some kind of gratitude will make you go a long way and there would be times when the flood of the extreme thankless souls around you with Himalayan expectations will drain you completely.
How do you know if you are not expecting too much appreciation and you are truly surrounded by ungrateful people - I like to call them - “the emotional Parasites!”
Check for yourself in case if the below sounds familiar ?
Once again you helped your friend out of yet another major emotional drama in life, and once the situation is fixed - you no longer exist. What about the other day when you missed your yoga class so she could cry her heart out to you and tell how life is especially unfair to her - and after being the rescue ranger, you no longer exist again! The most popular one is where you make dramatic changes to your personal space and accommodate major financial setbacks to make a family member comfortable and feel like you are truly one big family that belongs together - has finally after all your sacrifices - blamed you for being selfish and inconsiderate!!
Well if these are the scenarios of your life - then yes, you are surrounded by the emotional parasites.
If your experience of these situations has drained you enough that you are ready to go for help, most of your helper friends would give you the standard suggestions - to confront the situation with such thankless people, be assertive, stop helping and finally distance yourself from them. May be the famous saying - “ Some people don’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone.” - This will also fit in to explain.
Again - that’s still not going to help cause this is like the quickest way to get rid of all good bad ugly people from your life - including all your relatives - who technically cannot be “let go”. Eventually making you feel sad and lonely after making all the effort to be the nicest guy in town.
Then what do you do?
The simple concept to remember is that there is nothing inherently wrong with being nice. The world is a better place with more kind hearted and generous people. At the same time it’s important to be nice in an emotionally healthy way - especially for you.
The simple analogy of using the oxygen mask in an air plane works in all walks of life too - first wear the mask yourself then assist the needy ones near you. So if you are feeling inadequate emotionally, there is no way you going out there to help someone wont drain you. If helping someone is truly outside of your capacity - then don't help - just say no, without guilt. Trust me it won’t make you feel small or weak - it would strengthen your self-respect.
Another very important question to ask yourself is that are you being nice to someone because you want to or because you have to?
In either case you as the nicest person on earth must remember that being nice all the time is neither reasonable nor realistic. This is the most important aspect that could allow you control of your emotions - if you fail here, then congratulations!! You now have a compulsive disorder of being nice to people and an insatiable desire to be liked by them “always.”
The emotional parasites are the suckers around all of us who are continuously on the lookout for these compulsive helpers. Cause no one knows better than these parasites that once they latch on to you - helping them will be your problem and your first priority and they no longer need to work.
You’ll find these emotional parasites everywhere - at work, at home, in the neighborhood, at the super market… all over!!
The most interesting thing here is that for a very long time you won't even know that you are serving as a host to them, it’s only when you find yourself so helpless or frustrated or angry as an outcome of being a nice person - is when you might learn to pick the hint.
We all know - No one can please everyone, at all times. So don’t bother. Prioritize. Be choosy.
Sometimes you’ll feel obligated to entertain these emotional parasites because you don’t want them to feel bad. Think again. Can you truly control how someone else is going to feel - based on what you do? Unreasonable, I’d say.
Finally, not only the economy but every aspect of life compares to the law of demand and supply. For the thankless ungrateful souls - less is more.
Conserve your emotional energy and make it last longer - for the more deserving ones and for you.
Say NO to Emotional
Parasites and Not to the good in you, be nice :)
