Only Me ruchi: Stay in your Lane

Only Me ruchi: Stay in your Lane: It’s been a busy week..! I am so tempted to complete that sentence by “at work” but that won’t be necessarily true. It’s convenient to b...

Stay in your Lane

It’s been a busy week..! I am so tempted to complete that sentence by “at work” but that won’t be necessarily true. It’s convenient to blame work for your lack of hours in the day. Although, that may not be completely true. We all have tons to do at home, for our self, for the kids and then a busy day at work may seem to hit on your last nerve. My long distance commute and exhausted brain got me to think that what really exhausts us may not necessarily be the number of hours at work or the list of chores that patiently awaits your coming home, it could simply be a stumble upon someone’s nose that you happen to find in your business.

Strangely enough, all that we need to for our personal sanity and all the way up to “world peace” is one simple mantra – “Stay in your lane” – mind your own business, do not mess with others! Yeah, you read that right, the amount of energy it takes to mess with others life can be draining enough for you – you may not realize it in the moment of getting the cheap thrills of messing with others, but life for you isn’t good either when you mess with others.

Think of the simple analogy in real sense for a bit – you are driving on a freeway at an average speed of 70-75 miles/hr.  Life is good, moving ahead smooth and steady, you know nothing needs to change for a good number of miles. When does the trouble begin? Only when either you or someone around you refuses to stay in the lane! Simple!

Life my friend is just the same – stay in your lane and life is good! The trouble in life happens when either you enter a different lane or when someone else enters your lane… just like you know that people are clueless about your life, your life choices and the good bad and ugly that you’ve been through – you equally have no idea what their journey has been like! So quit messing around and mind your own damn business.

As annoying as it is to have someone else poke their nose into your life, it’s probably even more exhausting when you do the same to others. Entering another lane isn’t easy in heavy traffic on a freeway. You take calculated risks, you have to time it well and you need to avoid accidents by all means. If you end up making a mistake you are going to have to pay for it. If you think too much is going on, take a break and think – have you been visiting too many other lanes lately –if the answer is yes, stop right away. Maybe it’s time to visit the rest area – go get coffee…

Interestingly enough, this is also the mantra for your professional success. Every successful & accomplished person you think about did what they had to do and not everyone else’s job. Everyone you see struggling at work or having a rough day at work is either dealing with someone trying to break into their lanes or is troubled because they themselves are trying to barge into someone else’s lane.

When people focus on their job, their deliverables without focusing on everyone else’s job the only way out is success. When people live their own lives without focusing on others the outcome is happiness!

Stay in your lane and keep moving forward!

 

 

The Good Witch

So I was having this quite Sunday evening  and surprisingly enough I had the TV left alone for me. For some strange reason Shaury had decided to play with his toys, explore his books and do everything else but watch TV!! What’s even more surprising is that at that very moment there was actually something nice on tv!! So I sat down to watch the series of “The Good Witch”.

The movie just reassured my belief in magic. Ah, don’t worry am not going to turn this blog into one of those Harry Potter kind series – although I enjoyed all the movies, but still – NO. That’s not the kind of magic I am talking about. The simple belief that – all that happens, happens for good – is a sort of magic, a mother putting a baby down to sleep is magic, a smell from long long ago reminding you of summers at your granny’s is magic, in the deepest darkest times you still hope for good is magic, you finding the love of your life in the strangest ways is magic!!

There is a lil bit of magic in every walk of life. We all believe in it in our own secret and discrete ways. To notice this magic we just need be a little extra alert and there the crystal ball makes it all clear.

We begin our life with magical stories. All the fairytales were probably the best thing that ever happened to you for a long long time and thanks to Disney it’s much much prettier than your imagination!!

Trust is a fragile thing, once earned it affords us tremendous freedom. But once it’s lost the damage is beyond repair. Of course the truth is that we never know who we can trust.  It’s the dilemma of this trust quotient that allows the ones who are closest to us are ones who can betray us and those who are total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end most people decide to trust themselves only. That’s what the magic in you can do to you. you have to trust yourself and the magic in you at all times else the suspicions can end in tragedy and the shallow trust you show in others without having total faith in your own self will be put to trial at every step in life…

Magic no magic, the life goes on…. Well actually the true thing to say would be that whether you have noticed the magic of your life or not,,, life still does go on…! It does takes us to be in the darkest moments of our life to see the magic of light. We all have it within us, but not all of us see it.

Sometimes the only magic we seek is magic itself!

The good witch though a witch… is good. Is trying to fix people, things and the town of Middleton on the whole!! The simple reason why she could fix things was not only because she is the witch but because she knows what she wants and who she wants and how to get that… with us, the humans, the situation is that we are all searching for someone, that special companion, some kind of assistance and safety. Depending on the will with which you seek magic and how clearly you see that magic inside is the effort with which we search. There are times when we are searching very hard… and we do find all three. Sometimes when we fail miserably in finding any of this and we resort to praying that they find us…! At this point we depart from our own magical strengths… we lose the good witch within us and crave for help in desperate ways… those are the moments if not dealt well can turn the good witch in us into an evil one…!

To know if u are still working with good magic or black magic, if you are the good witch or the evil twin is very simple, u just need to know if u r desperate in seeking what you crave for or are u in the process of evolving yourself at the right pace…!

May the good witch live long !!

 

What did you want to become as a child?

What did you want to become as a child? An astronaut...  a musician… a ballet dancer… a driver… a painter… teacher… nurse… doctor…and the list is long if we all start naming them all. I guess a couple of hundred words would only be the names of various professions… or at least what we thought as kids were professions… like I wanted to be the person who gets to turn the lights out of sun, so then the moon and stars can be seen!!

Well… I haven’t decided to go down the memory lane and think of all the “cute” childhood things. Well that’s a fact and no amount of writing about it or talking about it can make it less cherish able… the thought really is if we adore our childhood so much and we have so many fond memories from our childhood and for some of us till date the happy place in life happens to be a childhood memory, then why are we so insensitive to our or other kids!! What changes in us… what ruins us as a grown up! What takes our intellect away as we grow older, what takes our patience, our love, our passion, our creativity the faith the hope away… just as we begin to add days to our lives and inches to our waistline!

This thought doesn’t really apply only to those who have kids, even if you are just a grownup – at least so u’d think u are…  do u still dream as passionately as u use to as a kid, do still love somebody so truly as u use to love ur mom n dad when u were little…

I am learning the art cum science of forgiveness from my three and a half year old! All I have to do to get his forgiveness is genuinely say sorry and its okay. However, as grownups we remember what happened, who did it, when and how it happened, whose fault was it and so much many facts as if every tiny incidence of life has to be argued in front of the finest jury of the world – so u better be all prepared at all times!!

However, when we seek an apology from a kid a genuine sorry does it all. The child’s faith in you is unshaken by doubts, worldly realities, probabilities and all the other tricks we normally play to get out of  any mess

Let me ask you this – if I ask you to draw me a picture of your mom and dad, will you do it?

Except for those who majored in fine arts or those who very strongly believe that their drawing is a great – these two categories can be parked aside for a while. The rest of you… ? Will you draw?

Okay let’s simplify – draw me a cow? Okay an insect? Okay a flower at least??

Some people after a long silly conversation of proving how horrible their drawing skills are, and after a disclaimer that you are not responsible for the awful looking piece of art and after completely neglecting the concept and the thought that’s been requested -  might draw and some would refuse still and not draw at all. Why??

Ask a three year old – draw me a picture of your mom and dad – bam! In a couple of minutes the full portrait is ready with fancy colors! Kind of a simple thought – but worth giving a second thought... It’s our own grown up judgments, our own inhibitions, and our self-proclaimed territories that make us feel uselessly big or depressingly tiny.  We decide our safe zones and we don’t mess with our impression management at all times. We do not care about the emotions to appear on that sheet of paper. We are worried about the perfect bends and curves to ensure a perfect picture. So then it’s no longer about drawing a family portrait – it becomes personal – it’s now about “your drawing skills”. Happiness similarly is not a blessing, it’s a choice.

Funnily enough or rather ironically enough when we are tiny we are very good at abstract thoughts and comprehend the big picture so well. The more the thought are random the more we enjoy it, and the better we relate to them however as we grow old the only thing we seem to be able to relate to is “numbers”. Yeah yeah… even the so called – I hate numbers or I hate math people are all about numbers. So if your child comes and tells you I have a new friend, what’s that you want to know? What are his likes, how does he sound like, does he also enjoy collecting butterflies…? All these essential matters are insignificant to you. Think harder – you would actually be asking the kid all the questions related to numbers – how old is your friend, where does he live, how many brother sisters does he have and so on…! Strangely as we grow up whether you are a math person or not – it all ends up being about numbers.

I think it wouldn’t be too far from reality to say that as we grow old we start becoming more and shallower from a fully creative child. We like our misfortune to be taken seriously. We desire and dream about simpler things like food, house, money etc. We no longer want to go on stars or no longer want to figure out the name of the lady who sits on the moon with a spinning wheel.

It’s reasonable to agree that sensibility lies in getting a dental insurance rather than hoping for the tooth fairy’s arrival yet there is something inside of us which is born pure and boundless, which fades as we graduate into a grownup.

Revive your dreams, believe in the child who you use to be then the world would seem more colorful and dreams more achievable – no matter what they are.

Had some kid not insisted on wanting to go to the moon – today we would not be playing with the dust of mars and Venus as well!!

 

Only Me ruchi: Fall in Love & Stay Happy!!

Only Me ruchi: Fall in Love & Stay Happy!!: Have you ever been in love? Of course we all have..! That feeling that makes you feel beautiful, that feeling when you smile so much ...

Fall in Love & Stay Happy!!

Have you ever been in love? Of course we all have..! That feeling that makes you feel beautiful, that feeling when you smile so much that it’s easy to believe that you probably slept with a hanger in your mouth… J

When in love the world is suddenly a better place. You believe in the general good of the world, you laugh more, you help more, you live better, you dress better, you feel better and of course you love a lot more!!

Don’t worry it’s not one my phases of going through a mid-life crisis and trying to relive my feelings from when I first fell in love…  See now, read that again, that’s the exact thought that struck me like lightening and I came running to my blog to share it with y’all.

The point is when we are in love we are happy! You feel wanted, loved, missed, adored, admired everything! That’s what is needed to make life so much more beautiful and so much more worth it!

Now, let’s expand the thought a little… Everything in the world that makes it exciting…

The adrenaline, the passion, the romance, the surprise, the dreams of a great life ahead!

Those and many more emotions and experiences that come to us while in love are the ones that make life more and more exciting each day. To be happy every single day and to feel on top of this world every single day – fall in love!

Ok… ok... don’t get excited – I am not suggesting you ditch your partner and go running to the mall to find a new person to fall in love with!!! [Well if you must – then who am I to stop you ;) – go crazy!]

What I mean is find something [or someone] to be in love with – truly. Not like Facebook love it – where you have a perfect life & all! Anything that drives you, anything that makes you feel good about yourself, anything that’s truly worth loving.

If you love your job – then truly love it. I know of people who go through that extra mile to look, behave, perform and do all that it takes to prove it to their own self [& in most obvious ways to all others] that they most dearly love their job.

Take any example… a new marriage – everyone in the family is happy with the concept of the new alliance and there is crazy happiness everywhere. A new baby in the house… everyone is happy with the love for the newborn.

When you see people fighting too much in a relationship, clearly they are not happy and obviously the love is going south. People fighting in family relations, typically with the relatives the love never is really there… it’s all relative you see – mostly an obligation, thus, always an unhappiness. There are happy relations too – your cousins from childhood, that one distant aunt you always miss, ever wondered why? Cause there was love, good old love. Therefore, the happiness!

Wait – don’t confuse the joy of bitching about that most hated relative with happiness you are not in love with her… that’s something else!

People who love cooking, are happy in the kitchen. People who love the outdoors, are happy driving, camping or just being out… it’s simple when in company of what or who you love – you are happy!

When the love starts depleting or when there isn’t enough love for any other reason there is not enough feed to create happiness!

Stay around what you love or love what you are surrounded with – the sure shot way to happiness!

 

 

 

Some days are better than the rest and the rest are worse than some days!

Some days are better than the rest and the rest are worse than some days! We all know that having faith in ourselves is the first thing to do even before we start the journey of developing faith in the almighty. I always thought that this would be an incremental phenomena but as it turns out it doesn’t necessarily work that ways. Some of the days my faith in me is beyond what my surroundings can handle and some [read a lot!!] of days I am like 50 feet of crap… then me…

Well I also thought the on and off switch of the way feel about ourselves would be a teenage phenomenon – as much as I’d like to be that young again, I don’t think this confused self-image ends with teenage, it has a its creepy way of getting on with us just like getting older!

Which brings me back to the basic question – why should we have confidence in ourselves? Why do I need to have a high self-esteem? I have seen people getting driven by other people… their life kind of seems simpler. One need not worry about being on the right path… or being responsible… or having a purpose! Live life and make merry! [or do merry or marry – whatever works for you ;) ]

Well there are 2 kind of people, one; those who have self-confidence and then those who don’t!!

The ones who do, have a convincing amount of belief in their values are self-reliant. They like moving forward and not being pushed. They chose their own path, are focused and have a great sense of innate eternal prospect that makes them become whoever and whatever they chose to become

Interestingly a high self-esteem with substantial self-confidence has nothing to do with being an extreme in anything – you don’t have to be a high performer, or the best student in class or the best of best in every walk of life. I am yet to see a report that says all toppers of all classes are all the CEO’s or the top leaders of the world!

The only connection I have ever been able to build with self-confidence is conviction to learn! It usually works the other way round – if you have the conviction to learn then you are in a comfortable place with yourself! How does this relate to the way you feel..?

Well, I have a theory. I believe as long as you find something exciting to learn, something you strongly feel about… something you are passionate about you would feel great & positive about yourself and keep boosting your self-confidence. Strangely enough it gets into a vicious circle.

The more you are learning new things the more confidence you gain and when you are comfortable with your state of high self-confidence you are not scared to follow your conviction to learn more and explore!

Guess I took the long route to say the simple thing – stay busy with what you are passionate about, follow your heart, explore and learn new things and that would resonate to a more confident you and a happier you!

Now go back to the days you are really struggling with yourself, the days you feel like the worse has just begun and lot more shit is around the corner – go back and analyze what you’ve been up to in these days… I bet you got caught in the routine, or you were doing things out of obligation or go sucked into something you don’t feel so strongly about – maybe at home, maybe with your significant others, maybe at work…?

Find a way to get back to learning a new thing, add a mix of your passion and be on track!

Ever wondered why people enjoy gossips – cause they are learning something “new” about “someone”

We as human being will always show conviction in people and new – and gossips combine these 2…

On that note – keep learning and stay confident!

The Reason...

Let’s start with a story, I am sure it will lay the ground work to the thought that’s been on my mind for a long time now…

I used to have a friend who wasn’t good for me. She never meant harm, she never said anything wrong and probably she meant really well. Though she gossiped with passion. Now hold on, don’t judge me yet! Who doesn’t like a little gossip..! We all do. But if this becomes a compulsive behavior it can start sucking the energy out of you than giving you the cheesy thrills you seek.

Sometimes, when I’d hear things she’d said behind my back or figure that she had been influencing other people’s opinions about me – negatively, I would hurt but not react. I was still sure she and I were great friends. Even worse, I would find that she would tell others about my personal problems—things I’d discussed privately with her assuming full confidence and trust in her.

Obviously, I knew this was one of those toxic relations I spoke about in the other blog. Unfortunately I didn’t have the strength and for some reason the will to try to rationalize her behavior even though I cared about her.

Something tells me probably this kind of behavior is an outcome of self-doubt, so maybe she did this to lift her own spirits. Maybe she was just miserable and a lost soul herself. No matter what the reasons, I tried on many occasions but could never talk to her about this situation. I was so much in shock with my own miss judgment of a person. I had always been so confident of the friends I had, it’s usually a complementing relationship! Once the friendship strikes – there usually is no looking back..! But here for some reason I was suffocating.

This seemed like a compulsive behavior of not being true to anyone and the psychologist in me was screaming – she needs help! Either fix it or get out of there.

We also had a few other common friends. A couple of them I truly cherished and admired. I still miss being with them but it seems like they were a package deal! They would all complain about each other but still be together.

The final nail in the coffin was, when she started lying to me about these other two friends. The personal situations they might have shared with her in confidence came to me from her as gossip! Something she demonstrated too much joy and energy in sharing with me and maybe many others!

This got me disturbed, I grew tired of her negativity, realized she was never going to change and finally shut her out of my life completely, and moved on.

Unfortunately, lost the other two friends too… Interestingly she came about looking as the victim and I as the bitch!

Months, even years later, mutual friends mentioned her name, my heart would jump and I’d relive the pain.

All the old questions such as “Why was she so careless with others personal situations?” and “How did I become friends with someone so shallow?” would re-emerge and I would torture myself.

For a long time I was extremely bitter and angry about what had happened. I used to fantasize about all the things I would say to her face when I next bumped into her. I’d imagine how great it would feel to really speak my mind.

But then, I saw the light. I realized that my former friend was suffering—just like we all are. I realized that she was unhappy. It doesn’t matter how or why she was a bad friend. It matters that she wasn’t happy.

I also realized that if I continued to have negative feelings toward her, I would be poisoning myself and prolonging the suffering. I would be making myself unhappy when there really was no need to do it.

Sadly, this issue of toxic friendships isn’t uncommon. I bet we all have people in our lives who leave us feeling miserable and drained of energy. I also think that when we hang around with these characters, we hold ourselves back and increase our odds of becoming negative.

So what do we do? Do we abandon people if they’re bad for us? Or do we stick around to help them out?

When we choose to associate with positive people, we tend to become happier and brighter and enjoy better lives.

In my case, I chose to move on…! It’s not easy to start over! It can get seriously lonely sometimes, but I guess it’s a choice one needs to make – toxic company or no company, of course for a short period of time –then we all find friends J

When I think of my old friend, I only hope she is happy. Letting her go didn’t mean that I don’t care. It just means I want to be happy myself. That’s why it’s so important to forgive, love, and move on when you have to: We all deserve to be happy. We have the power to make it happen.

If you’re into personal growth, you will at some point outgrow some or all of your friends. The sooner you can accept it, the easier it’ll be. Your friends may object and ask you why you’re abandoning them, but there’s not much you can do. The signs are obvious.

It can get lonely while you’re transitioning from one group of friends to another. You’ll wish that you could go back to the way things were. Friendship is like that. Everything seems so much easier when you selectively pick out memories from the past.

It’s not that you’re suddenly better than your friends. As you keep growing you will literally move into another wavelength, which is why your connection to your friends is fading. There’s always going to be that sense of obligation, of staying true to your friends, but you also have to stay true to yourself. Sometimes you just have to move on. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet up with some of your old friends.

You can’t keep doing what doesn’t feel absolutely right, because it will end up making you miserable. While this may sound harsh, it’s the truth. Listen to your heart.

Let your feelings and heart guide you when it comes to making decisions. If you don’t feel like an activity you used to do with your friends no longer excites you, don’t do it. If something else still seems cool, do it. It’s simple.

Listen to yourself instead of your friends. It’s up to you to play out your own life. Every person in your life is there for a reason. You may feel obligated or bad about cutting your friends loose, but if you’re not 100% happy with where you are and who you are spending your time with, it’s time for change. It’s time to look for a new social circle.

A Healthy Mix!!

When I was studying and practicing psychology I always liked and eventually relied more on the eclectic approach. Without going into the psycho details of it – eclectic would mean a healthy mix or balance of all that’s known. Before I could figure,,, I now have an eclectic approach towards everything – life… people… lifestyle… friends… enemies… the good… the bad… and the ugly!!

The beauty of it is it helps me work with the basic mantra of life that I was always reminded of as a kid “Atii sarvatra varjyatey” – meaning – excess of everything is bad. Looks like if you follow this principle you end up in the lap of an eclectic approach in life – cause you always make room for a little of everything. Since you aren’t in the race for too much of anything you end up adding a handsome variety to make up for it.

The interesting thing about this thought process is that you get to be with and sometimes deal with all kinds of people and situations in life – thanks to the variety you’ve added. To me that’s not a bad thing either. Cause the wider the spread of experiences you have the more your faith in the general good of life, world, people etc. would be built. Having this mix of all kinds of people and all kinds of situations acts like this multi stage refining process and the only outcome is ‘a better you’!

Other individuals affect us more than any other factor in the world. They are the most unpredictable, the most mysterious and the most exciting — at least, some are. There are other types of individuals, however. Then there are those who are more toxic than they are precious. If you want to live the best life possible, you should surround yourself with the best people possible; the best possible situations would follow J

More importantly, you would want to avoid all the toxic ones who will make you worse off for knowing them. The nicer people understand the importance and influence that human beings have on one another and use this knowledge to their advantage.

The good fellas am referring to aren’t flawless and aren’t impervious to all. With enough damage coming from enough sides, even the strongest will fall. The trick is to plan ahead and avoid those that make up the worst of the worst – I’ve been lucky to have this opportunity to let go of these energy suckers multiple times and then good times followed suite.

The big ones to look out for are those who feel the need to be showy are always compensating for something and trying to prove their worth to themselves. Unfortunately for them, this is how you know they have little worth.

Showing and trying to make other people envious is a waste of time, unless you’re trying to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others. People that do such things are not the kind of people you want to keep around.

Then there are those who are too smart. I’m not talking the kind of dumb that can’t be helped; I’m talking about the kind of dumb that is a result of an immense ego, voluntary ignorance and self-righteousness.

Most of us know at least one or two people who are completely unintelligent as a result of continually making bad decisions and not learning from their mistakes for their entire lives.

Yet another category is the kind that would not only drain you mentally and emotionally but financially as well! Growing up, we’ve all had or been that friend who was always a bit broke and always happy to take a handout. When our friends are at a difficult point in their lives, there’s no reason not to help them out or to offer to pay for a few rounds of their drinks so they come out and have fun with the rest of the group. The problem is when the person seems comfortable in the position and is making little to no effort of improving their spending habits.

The list is fairly long… the lazy, the yolo kinds who like to get wasted and waste their lives… and of course the crown wining to those that spend their time running their mouths spend little time doing anything else – the famous big talkers!

I’d keep on fence with the non-dreamers, the comfort zone experts & the non-believers too! Unfortunately some of the believers too remind me of the donkey from the movie “Shrek” singing “I am a believer…” in high pitch……

Yet the biggest disasters around you could be the ones that are perpetually depressed!!

Not those that have an actual chemical imbalance, but those who act like they do. We all know people who are always feeling bad for themselves, always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how unlucky they are.

Bad luck is not a lifelong circumstance. If your life sucks, then guess what? It’s mostly, if not entirely, your fault. Don’t keep these folks around unless you want them to bring you down with them.

Given we cannot completely avoid these kind of experiences to value the good ones in our life and to add to the spice, you would want to keep a healthy mix of life going with a healthy mix of people and experiences :)

stay healthy...!