Some days are better than the rest and the rest are worse than some days!

Some days are better than the rest and the rest are worse than some days! We all know that having faith in ourselves is the first thing to do even before we start the journey of developing faith in the almighty. I always thought that this would be an incremental phenomena but as it turns out it doesn’t necessarily work that ways. Some of the days my faith in me is beyond what my surroundings can handle and some [read a lot!!] of days I am like 50 feet of crap… then me…

Well I also thought the on and off switch of the way feel about ourselves would be a teenage phenomenon – as much as I’d like to be that young again, I don’t think this confused self-image ends with teenage, it has a its creepy way of getting on with us just like getting older!

Which brings me back to the basic question – why should we have confidence in ourselves? Why do I need to have a high self-esteem? I have seen people getting driven by other people… their life kind of seems simpler. One need not worry about being on the right path… or being responsible… or having a purpose! Live life and make merry! [or do merry or marry – whatever works for you ;) ]

Well there are 2 kind of people, one; those who have self-confidence and then those who don’t!!

The ones who do, have a convincing amount of belief in their values are self-reliant. They like moving forward and not being pushed. They chose their own path, are focused and have a great sense of innate eternal prospect that makes them become whoever and whatever they chose to become

Interestingly a high self-esteem with substantial self-confidence has nothing to do with being an extreme in anything – you don’t have to be a high performer, or the best student in class or the best of best in every walk of life. I am yet to see a report that says all toppers of all classes are all the CEO’s or the top leaders of the world!

The only connection I have ever been able to build with self-confidence is conviction to learn! It usually works the other way round – if you have the conviction to learn then you are in a comfortable place with yourself! How does this relate to the way you feel..?

Well, I have a theory. I believe as long as you find something exciting to learn, something you strongly feel about… something you are passionate about you would feel great & positive about yourself and keep boosting your self-confidence. Strangely enough it gets into a vicious circle.

The more you are learning new things the more confidence you gain and when you are comfortable with your state of high self-confidence you are not scared to follow your conviction to learn more and explore!

Guess I took the long route to say the simple thing – stay busy with what you are passionate about, follow your heart, explore and learn new things and that would resonate to a more confident you and a happier you!

Now go back to the days you are really struggling with yourself, the days you feel like the worse has just begun and lot more shit is around the corner – go back and analyze what you’ve been up to in these days… I bet you got caught in the routine, or you were doing things out of obligation or go sucked into something you don’t feel so strongly about – maybe at home, maybe with your significant others, maybe at work…?

Find a way to get back to learning a new thing, add a mix of your passion and be on track!

Ever wondered why people enjoy gossips – cause they are learning something “new” about “someone”

We as human being will always show conviction in people and new – and gossips combine these 2…

On that note – keep learning and stay confident!

The Reason...

Let’s start with a story, I am sure it will lay the ground work to the thought that’s been on my mind for a long time now…

I used to have a friend who wasn’t good for me. She never meant harm, she never said anything wrong and probably she meant really well. Though she gossiped with passion. Now hold on, don’t judge me yet! Who doesn’t like a little gossip..! We all do. But if this becomes a compulsive behavior it can start sucking the energy out of you than giving you the cheesy thrills you seek.

Sometimes, when I’d hear things she’d said behind my back or figure that she had been influencing other people’s opinions about me – negatively, I would hurt but not react. I was still sure she and I were great friends. Even worse, I would find that she would tell others about my personal problems—things I’d discussed privately with her assuming full confidence and trust in her.

Obviously, I knew this was one of those toxic relations I spoke about in the other blog. Unfortunately I didn’t have the strength and for some reason the will to try to rationalize her behavior even though I cared about her.

Something tells me probably this kind of behavior is an outcome of self-doubt, so maybe she did this to lift her own spirits. Maybe she was just miserable and a lost soul herself. No matter what the reasons, I tried on many occasions but could never talk to her about this situation. I was so much in shock with my own miss judgment of a person. I had always been so confident of the friends I had, it’s usually a complementing relationship! Once the friendship strikes – there usually is no looking back..! But here for some reason I was suffocating.

This seemed like a compulsive behavior of not being true to anyone and the psychologist in me was screaming – she needs help! Either fix it or get out of there.

We also had a few other common friends. A couple of them I truly cherished and admired. I still miss being with them but it seems like they were a package deal! They would all complain about each other but still be together.

The final nail in the coffin was, when she started lying to me about these other two friends. The personal situations they might have shared with her in confidence came to me from her as gossip! Something she demonstrated too much joy and energy in sharing with me and maybe many others!

This got me disturbed, I grew tired of her negativity, realized she was never going to change and finally shut her out of my life completely, and moved on.

Unfortunately, lost the other two friends too… Interestingly she came about looking as the victim and I as the bitch!

Months, even years later, mutual friends mentioned her name, my heart would jump and I’d relive the pain.

All the old questions such as “Why was she so careless with others personal situations?” and “How did I become friends with someone so shallow?” would re-emerge and I would torture myself.

For a long time I was extremely bitter and angry about what had happened. I used to fantasize about all the things I would say to her face when I next bumped into her. I’d imagine how great it would feel to really speak my mind.

But then, I saw the light. I realized that my former friend was suffering—just like we all are. I realized that she was unhappy. It doesn’t matter how or why she was a bad friend. It matters that she wasn’t happy.

I also realized that if I continued to have negative feelings toward her, I would be poisoning myself and prolonging the suffering. I would be making myself unhappy when there really was no need to do it.

Sadly, this issue of toxic friendships isn’t uncommon. I bet we all have people in our lives who leave us feeling miserable and drained of energy. I also think that when we hang around with these characters, we hold ourselves back and increase our odds of becoming negative.

So what do we do? Do we abandon people if they’re bad for us? Or do we stick around to help them out?

When we choose to associate with positive people, we tend to become happier and brighter and enjoy better lives.

In my case, I chose to move on…! It’s not easy to start over! It can get seriously lonely sometimes, but I guess it’s a choice one needs to make – toxic company or no company, of course for a short period of time –then we all find friends J

When I think of my old friend, I only hope she is happy. Letting her go didn’t mean that I don’t care. It just means I want to be happy myself. That’s why it’s so important to forgive, love, and move on when you have to: We all deserve to be happy. We have the power to make it happen.

If you’re into personal growth, you will at some point outgrow some or all of your friends. The sooner you can accept it, the easier it’ll be. Your friends may object and ask you why you’re abandoning them, but there’s not much you can do. The signs are obvious.

It can get lonely while you’re transitioning from one group of friends to another. You’ll wish that you could go back to the way things were. Friendship is like that. Everything seems so much easier when you selectively pick out memories from the past.

It’s not that you’re suddenly better than your friends. As you keep growing you will literally move into another wavelength, which is why your connection to your friends is fading. There’s always going to be that sense of obligation, of staying true to your friends, but you also have to stay true to yourself. Sometimes you just have to move on. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet up with some of your old friends.

You can’t keep doing what doesn’t feel absolutely right, because it will end up making you miserable. While this may sound harsh, it’s the truth. Listen to your heart.

Let your feelings and heart guide you when it comes to making decisions. If you don’t feel like an activity you used to do with your friends no longer excites you, don’t do it. If something else still seems cool, do it. It’s simple.

Listen to yourself instead of your friends. It’s up to you to play out your own life. Every person in your life is there for a reason. You may feel obligated or bad about cutting your friends loose, but if you’re not 100% happy with where you are and who you are spending your time with, it’s time for change. It’s time to look for a new social circle.