Only Me ruchi: Simply Helping

Only Me ruchi: Simply Helping: It’s too complicated to be simple… “I think all I want in life is pretty basic stuff”…   “I am an open book…”   “I really mean what I say…” ...

Simply Helping

It’s too complicated to be simple… “I think all I want in life is pretty basic stuff”…  “I am an open book…”  “I really mean what I say…”  “I hate hypocrisy…”

Very often we have heard these from a lot of people around us – the so called – claiming to be simple people…! Think again about each person one more time. Really?? No I mean it – really?  Well einh… looks like not simple after all.

All those people claiming to be the simplest around u –and of course this could include yourself too - if you make these statements too J are in reality the most confusing soles in retrospect.

Okay let’s park this thought aside for a moment. Let’s move on to the helping kinds.

Think about all the situations in life when you have felt the need of some help, from someone who has been close preferably – but then as the situation gets desperate you longed for the help of just about anyone. The interesting thing is that this world is a wonderful place. There are quite a few people who would show up – to help!! While you are busy thanking them and your stars for having all the right people in life at the right time and therefore all the much deserved help, you seem to forget the very basic lesson learned in life – rather the very first lesson learnt in life, “there is no free lunch darling!!” 

So basically – no help is free. Big or small… Asked or offered... It all comes with a price tag.  Everyone has an agenda – an ultimate ulterior motive. Some of them are too excited to announce it you and get a negotiation started and some would patiently wait for the right time and then claim it appropriately. When in most cases you end up returning the favor and are in no situation to refuse.

It’s like using up your credit card – it feels awesome to have used that lil extra help that you could not have managed on your own. Then before you know it’s time to return that favor – and mostly at the worst times. So you have three options – return on time – whether you like it or you don’t, return a lil later if you can afford the interest, or else the third option – get black listed and then the life long after effects – mostly again at the most desperate situations!! This is exactly how we return all the help we ever took in life from anyone – near or dear, known or random!

Now let’s step back to the first thought – of claiming to be simple… make a tiny effort to connect the dots. It’s not too different.  All those claiming to be simple are the ones who enjoy all the complications. They are the ones… the most difficult to decipher.  Just like the longest helping hands are the ones with the longest hidden agenda’s – the self-proclaimed simple people have the most complicated intentions and lives.

Talking about all this in no way means you can never have simple people around you or you cannot have a simple life or that you will or should never find help considering the payback. The need of the hour is the need of that hour and the payback can always be worked out. Like most of us have had torturous times paying back those credit card bills yet not most of us have screwed up credit histories.

The only concept that makes sense to me is that it’s okay to fall upon someone; it’s absolutely okay to admit at times that you can’t handle it on your own.  A constant effort to be simple would need a constant effort to know yourself better and more importantly to be more comfortable with yourself. The acceptance of who you are and who you want to be but can’t be – is what really rules the game.

The trick is to still Play on and thus Live on!

Only Me ruchi: Bailing the self

Only Me ruchi: Bailing the self: Just like every night I lay on the bed with my 3 year old to put him to sleep. Of course now was the time for a bed time story. I read him “...

Bailing the self

Just like every night I lay on the bed with my 3 year old to put him to sleep. Of course now was the time for a bed time story. I read him “Plummet”. There was something in that story that touched my heart and put shaurya to sleep…

It talked about Plummet – a flying frog – who couldn’t fly, hence was sad. Later he figured he was just named a flying frog – but was supposed to only jump high from the trees  and glide… he learned about it from a friend and was happy again as the forced inability in life had been negated.

I think a lot of us are like that. We assume roles, talents, beliefs, thoughts, etc. and then keep pushing ourselves to achieve that as per that assumption, which no one forced on you – but u yourself!!

In psychology we use this to define personalities. This tug of war between your true and your ideal self… What you really are and you’d rather be. The funny thing is this tussle – this unsettling feeling is of you with you!! who would you blame – you or you !! J

It’s nice to keep raising the bar, but when you know what is getting judged is you and who is judging you is also you, then how to settle in. On the one hand it gives you that kick of doing something better, continuous improvement and of course the satisfaction – on the other hand it’s a constant reminder of all that’s not so good about u… all that – that must be improved.

The thing with this tussle is that no role, no thought, no belief gets overlooked. You end up scanning yourself so much that you seem to be constantly aware of what’s missing, what needs improvement, what should be completely changed etc. who you love, how u love, what u love, how u work, what u do, every single thing about you is getting scrutinized…

The point is – “u are what u think u are”. Your level of confidence, your self-respect and the most important – your own opinion about yourself is extremely critical to gauge your happiness quotient. Basically how satisfied you are with your own self is a function of your self-respect and your acceptance of your true self minus any comparisons to your ideal self.

The easiest thing in life is to like someone or to dislike someone by a quick process – “opinion making”. Before you know it – you are already making an attempt to change yourself to be like someone or making sure you are not like that disliked someone. Failing to realize that you have spent most of your energy and time in comparing, approving, disapproving life – with no time to having lived it!

Actually each one of us is the way we are for multiple reasons. Unless unavoidable life usually is better – with an attempt to live rather than evaluating if we are living a great life or no.

Imagine writing an exam where after every question you go back and check with everyone in class and try to evaluate which answer is correct and why…. Before u know the time of the exam would be over and u might end up not even looking at the full exam paper – forget attempting them! Maybe you knew most of the answers; maybe u would have dealt with some more important questions so much better. But probably you wasted too much time discussing something relatively petty… or got fixated at just one or two questions with no chance to even look at the full exam paper!!

The only way to get satisfactory scores in the exam of life is to attempt it with your best effort. Without having to worry how others are doing. It’s your life and you are responsible – you succeed by cheating, copying, or your own effort & hard work… any of this should you be your call – and not a sad repeat telecast of someone else’s life.

Is why people who keep peeking into others’ lives and try to copy others’ lives or are busy disapproving someone else’s  life should simply attempt to get a life of their own. Living and liking one’s own life isn’t that boring after all…!

 Stop being “Plummet” – stop feeling sorry for who u think u shud be but u are not. Start being who u are and accepting who u are – then u’ll be able to be what u are capable of being… bail yourself from your own judgment – live free!

 to life... !