Only Me ruchi: Who do yo blame when your child falls...!

Only Me ruchi: Who do yo blame when your child falls...!: It’s a usual thing, isn’t it! Children will fall… that’s how they learn, that’s how we all learn! I remember breaking a lot of things, i...

Who do yo blame when your child falls...!

It’s a usual thing, isn’t it! Children will fall… that’s how they learn, that’s how we all learn!

I remember breaking a lot of things, including some of my own bones when I was a kid. Falling is routine. However, what happens around that situation – when the tiny little baby of yours – falls. How do you console the kid, how do you make them stop crying…. Cause as much as you know falling is inevitable; you also know that one more tear on that cute little face and you are willing to take on the world for it. So what do you tell the kid?

The door was in the way…. The table’s fault it is… lets beat the chair – it was the chair that made you fall isn’t it…. Or was it the bad shoe… lets hit the floor – it made my sweet little cuddle fall…!!!

I can’t say I never did this with my own kid… but eventually I came to resent the concept…

What kind of messaging is this, in the pretext of taking care of our little one and to ensure there are no more tears, we are teaching them to blame someone else or something else for their falls. We miss out on telling them that you fell because of your own lack of focus. You were probably trying to do ten other things while on your way out so you missed a step and you fell.

The point isn’t that we shouldn’t cuddle the kid or sympathize on the fall or the hurt but along with all the love and care we must not let them believe that every time something wrong or something unpleasant happens to them it’s someone else’s fault. That’s a faulty message.

All this makes more sense when I came across some grown-ups, who under no circumstances would be willing to admit that any thing that ever goes wrong could be because of the choices that they make, or the choices that they dint make when they should have. Needless to mention of course all the good in their lives and for that matter in most other people’s lives is courtesy them!! This kind of turns them into being unreasonable & weird !

The last thing I wanted for my son is to grow up into being an unreasonable human being, although, I’ve kind of made my piece – we are all weird in some way or the other. So I tried it with him only to see how pleasantly surprised I was. He was more convinced then and more careful later…

The idea is not to blame a certain style of upbringing and acclaim another. The notion is own & respect your life choices. And we can learn to do that as early as when you are less than two years of age. But somehow we enjoy the concept of blaming someone else a tad bit more. It’s a different kind of thrill – that I don’t mess it up, all bad that ever happened in my life is someone else’s fault!!

Thrill apart, it kind of messes up your personality. The choices you make are your responsibility.  There always are situations that compel you to make choices that you may not be totally comfortable with, but still you do. It’s okay to give in to situations at times, to make the wrong choices under pressure, responsibilities, or even to please someone really important in life it’s okay – accept it, it probably was the best you could do. Later, when the choice totally puts you in a mess and you know this was the worst decision ever – the best thing you wish to happen in a situation like that is to find someone to hold responsible for all the madness in your life!! Bam!! You get away scot free from all the mess - and bingo there you are craving for all the victim sympathy from the whole wide world!!

Think about it – weren’t you a tiny bit responsible for all the good bad ugly in your life… think harder, life is much simpler and so much more beautiful when you know all that happened – happened for good and even more for a very good reason – the reason that you knew, you chose and you justified!!

Guess, the next time a child falls – it won’t be some furniture’s fault!!

Only Me ruchi: I don't deny that...!

Only Me ruchi: I don't deny that...!: I don’t believe it’s been really this long since I last wrote something. The numerous thoughts that run in my head and the mental enunciat...

I don't deny that...!

I don’t believe it’s been really this long since I last wrote something. The numerous thoughts that run in my head and the mental enunciations of those make me feel like I have it all penned down…! Somehow, I refuse to believe my own self that I actually did not write them. Guess that’s how we all deal with a lot of things in life, via the shortcut of “Denial”

And today when I finally got down to writing, it seems I can’t get past my own self without a humble confession! As it turns out denial isn’t all that fun, Huh!

We all live these denials day in & day out, in multiple facets of life.

Plenty many of us took a subject in school / college that maybe was the one that appealed to our parents or some significant other more, than it did to us?

A plentiful stay in a relationship that probably wasn’t the best for them but somehow since the denial kicked in life seemed normal.

Relatives, friends, people at work, neighbors, the jobs we do and the lives we live… everything seems to be surrounded by this crazy parasite – Denial. If not all the things at all the times there certainly are some of them at some of the times totally hijacked!

I still believe that we all have this great conversations with ourselves and let the damn denial live with us cause eventually we establish this give & take, this mutually benefitting situation with our momentous denials that we have agreed – can contentedly stay in our lives.

Having said this, like most other things that impact our lives strongly, denials are a matter of degree & are relative.  The beliefs that we negotiate with, the feelings that we compromise and the lies we tell ourselves are the nastiest kind of denials.  

The most interesting thing about denial is that it sometimes makes us a different person all together. Sometimes a better one indeed! A simple denial to a fact that one might have certain shortcomings could lead you to work your way into achieving heights that ordinarily might have been way beyond your scope. Coming to think of it, on the outside nothing is wrong if a little denial is getting you to do wonders. However, the tiny little problem in such a state would be that one might come to believe that they are beyond failure in all they endeavor.

That’s exactly the point where the side effects of living in denial would kick in. The very first one being a simple one that you are living in a fool’s paradise assuming everything you touch would turn to gold! Now that’s not exactly a good power to have – we’ve all learned that when we were a bunch of four year olds!

The thing with living in denial is that it’s like an addiction. To maintain your story you would lie to your friends & family, to the near & dear, to the loved ones and worst of all to yourself.  The funny outcome of life going on in denial is that it shakes your trust in all around you. Since you have been so seasoned in lying to yourself with every breath you take that it’s practically impossible to believe that everything around you isn’t a big conspiracy, that everyone else is wrong and they are all out there to get you. And I am the only one who is always the victim.

Well keep denying all you can, but in case you missed noticing it’s not leading to happiness. Is why the constant tussle – of you with you! It’s like this temporary fix on a messed up wheel of your car – it can be a great stop gap arrangement for a few miles but if you don’t get a permanent fix on it – well no surprises very soon it will burst!!

The best part is when in denial all our excuses seem so genuine and hence we don’t feel guilty, as we are so bloody convinced that it isn’t a lie.

So whether it’s that talent that you think you have – but you don’t. That relative that you believe you struck a chord with years ago – but you haven’t. That best neighbor you always wanted to be,  that dependable colleague you always thought you were or the perfect confidant that you think you are – but you aren’t… the desire to believe that you in fact are all these things,  would suck you into denial, before you know it. Before you ever get to really work on that special kind of person that you always thought you are gradually becoming,  denial would have taught you to lie seamlessly to your own self…

“The worst kind of lies are the ones that we tell ourselves before we go to bed!”

The trick lies in getting tricked & tricking others at times but in never ever falling into our own pretty little lies!

Deny That… Will Ya… !

ruchi