Emptying your closets

About a month ago a friend was shifting base from one continent to another. The most basic thing in such situation, as one would imagine would be “packing the stuff”.  Well we too had numerous conversations around packing and then timelines and then delaying and then finally packing again. When we had these conversations there was an incomplete thought in my mind which recently finished when I had to pack up my stuff to move base.

The point is not about packing. It’s much larger – it’s about emptying your closets.

Whatever you gathered – you hoarded – you were fixated too… all comes pouring out – when you empty the closets! Things, moments, memories, mistakes, weaknesses, and all that’s ‘you’ and is hidden deep somewhere in some closet. Interestingly all these things neither grow nor die locked in that closet. They just show themselves when you allow them to.

You don’t need to move base to empty your closets – try pouring your heart out to someone – this would lead to sorting of thoughts. But that’s not where it ends… this is just the cleansing process!

The true realizations don’t strike when you are cleaning these closets – that’s just the time of sorting them out – most of the stuff peacefully would settle back in as you would be able to justify in your head that how important all that is to you.

The time to let go happens when you need to pack your life into a couple of suitcases – no lift and shift allowed. That’s when the interesting realization of what belongs with you for life and what doesn’t happens.

Same applies to your heart. In most of the scenarios we behave like movers and packers and safely pack all that’s been with you – whether yours still or not ! You keep carrying the extra load from one destination to another that life takes you to. And every time you land into a new location you come with the same excess baggage and life seems to be a drag of the past.

Do you still think it’s only about letting go? I seriously doubt that. I think it’s about making peace. With who you are and not what you use to be... With your present and not what you would like to do or have… It’s about making peace with your own greatness of having lived an accomplished life, rather than holding on to morsels of stolen moments from the past

It’s much greater than letting go, it’s about continuity of life

Therefore, all that belongs with you for life is only what’s yours now – this moment. No matter how strongly you feel for what was or what ought to be – it’s all going to be safely placed in a closet and not come in handy!

Live in the moment – when there is no baggage no longing no load – you feel so much lighter and you feel free to enjoy life every bit – like a globe trekker.

Looks like it takes a lifetime to know what it really means to travel light! And trust me it all begins with emptying your closets!!

Only Me ruchi: Simply Helping

Only Me ruchi: Simply Helping: It’s too complicated to be simple… “I think all I want in life is pretty basic stuff”…   “I am an open book…”   “I really mean what I say…” ...

Simply Helping

It’s too complicated to be simple… “I think all I want in life is pretty basic stuff”…  “I am an open book…”  “I really mean what I say…”  “I hate hypocrisy…”

Very often we have heard these from a lot of people around us – the so called – claiming to be simple people…! Think again about each person one more time. Really?? No I mean it – really?  Well einh… looks like not simple after all.

All those people claiming to be the simplest around u –and of course this could include yourself too - if you make these statements too J are in reality the most confusing soles in retrospect.

Okay let’s park this thought aside for a moment. Let’s move on to the helping kinds.

Think about all the situations in life when you have felt the need of some help, from someone who has been close preferably – but then as the situation gets desperate you longed for the help of just about anyone. The interesting thing is that this world is a wonderful place. There are quite a few people who would show up – to help!! While you are busy thanking them and your stars for having all the right people in life at the right time and therefore all the much deserved help, you seem to forget the very basic lesson learned in life – rather the very first lesson learnt in life, “there is no free lunch darling!!” 

So basically – no help is free. Big or small… Asked or offered... It all comes with a price tag.  Everyone has an agenda – an ultimate ulterior motive. Some of them are too excited to announce it you and get a negotiation started and some would patiently wait for the right time and then claim it appropriately. When in most cases you end up returning the favor and are in no situation to refuse.

It’s like using up your credit card – it feels awesome to have used that lil extra help that you could not have managed on your own. Then before you know it’s time to return that favor – and mostly at the worst times. So you have three options – return on time – whether you like it or you don’t, return a lil later if you can afford the interest, or else the third option – get black listed and then the life long after effects – mostly again at the most desperate situations!! This is exactly how we return all the help we ever took in life from anyone – near or dear, known or random!

Now let’s step back to the first thought – of claiming to be simple… make a tiny effort to connect the dots. It’s not too different.  All those claiming to be simple are the ones who enjoy all the complications. They are the ones… the most difficult to decipher.  Just like the longest helping hands are the ones with the longest hidden agenda’s – the self-proclaimed simple people have the most complicated intentions and lives.

Talking about all this in no way means you can never have simple people around you or you cannot have a simple life or that you will or should never find help considering the payback. The need of the hour is the need of that hour and the payback can always be worked out. Like most of us have had torturous times paying back those credit card bills yet not most of us have screwed up credit histories.

The only concept that makes sense to me is that it’s okay to fall upon someone; it’s absolutely okay to admit at times that you can’t handle it on your own.  A constant effort to be simple would need a constant effort to know yourself better and more importantly to be more comfortable with yourself. The acceptance of who you are and who you want to be but can’t be – is what really rules the game.

The trick is to still Play on and thus Live on!

Only Me ruchi: Bailing the self

Only Me ruchi: Bailing the self: Just like every night I lay on the bed with my 3 year old to put him to sleep. Of course now was the time for a bed time story. I read him “...

Bailing the self

Just like every night I lay on the bed with my 3 year old to put him to sleep. Of course now was the time for a bed time story. I read him “Plummet”. There was something in that story that touched my heart and put shaurya to sleep…

It talked about Plummet – a flying frog – who couldn’t fly, hence was sad. Later he figured he was just named a flying frog – but was supposed to only jump high from the trees  and glide… he learned about it from a friend and was happy again as the forced inability in life had been negated.

I think a lot of us are like that. We assume roles, talents, beliefs, thoughts, etc. and then keep pushing ourselves to achieve that as per that assumption, which no one forced on you – but u yourself!!

In psychology we use this to define personalities. This tug of war between your true and your ideal self… What you really are and you’d rather be. The funny thing is this tussle – this unsettling feeling is of you with you!! who would you blame – you or you !! J

It’s nice to keep raising the bar, but when you know what is getting judged is you and who is judging you is also you, then how to settle in. On the one hand it gives you that kick of doing something better, continuous improvement and of course the satisfaction – on the other hand it’s a constant reminder of all that’s not so good about u… all that – that must be improved.

The thing with this tussle is that no role, no thought, no belief gets overlooked. You end up scanning yourself so much that you seem to be constantly aware of what’s missing, what needs improvement, what should be completely changed etc. who you love, how u love, what u love, how u work, what u do, every single thing about you is getting scrutinized…

The point is – “u are what u think u are”. Your level of confidence, your self-respect and the most important – your own opinion about yourself is extremely critical to gauge your happiness quotient. Basically how satisfied you are with your own self is a function of your self-respect and your acceptance of your true self minus any comparisons to your ideal self.

The easiest thing in life is to like someone or to dislike someone by a quick process – “opinion making”. Before you know it – you are already making an attempt to change yourself to be like someone or making sure you are not like that disliked someone. Failing to realize that you have spent most of your energy and time in comparing, approving, disapproving life – with no time to having lived it!

Actually each one of us is the way we are for multiple reasons. Unless unavoidable life usually is better – with an attempt to live rather than evaluating if we are living a great life or no.

Imagine writing an exam where after every question you go back and check with everyone in class and try to evaluate which answer is correct and why…. Before u know the time of the exam would be over and u might end up not even looking at the full exam paper – forget attempting them! Maybe you knew most of the answers; maybe u would have dealt with some more important questions so much better. But probably you wasted too much time discussing something relatively petty… or got fixated at just one or two questions with no chance to even look at the full exam paper!!

The only way to get satisfactory scores in the exam of life is to attempt it with your best effort. Without having to worry how others are doing. It’s your life and you are responsible – you succeed by cheating, copying, or your own effort & hard work… any of this should you be your call – and not a sad repeat telecast of someone else’s life.

Is why people who keep peeking into others’ lives and try to copy others’ lives or are busy disapproving someone else’s  life should simply attempt to get a life of their own. Living and liking one’s own life isn’t that boring after all…!

 Stop being “Plummet” – stop feeling sorry for who u think u shud be but u are not. Start being who u are and accepting who u are – then u’ll be able to be what u are capable of being… bail yourself from your own judgment – live free!

 to life... !

Only Me ruchi: Have u evolved in love...!

Only Me ruchi: Have u evolved in love...!: Some say it’s the most amazing experience of life, some say its absolute rubbish, but we all yearn for it, we all need it, we all keep claim...

Have u evolved in love...!

Some say it’s the most amazing experience of life, some say its absolute rubbish, but we all yearn for it, we all need it, we all keep claiming it! I do not want to get philosophical here & to argue if i agree or disagree with love or get even more dramatic - to define love. Clichéd!!!
I am not even sure if i really do have an opinion about it. But i surely have felt it, experienced it, longed for it, shared it, expressed it, hoarded it and at times - been deprived of it!

I do strongly feel for and love the idea of being in love. The concept of being in love is just so amazing. I am sure to a great extent it’s the falling in love – that causes u to fall in love. The world seems a much nicer place; you seem to be willing to forgive, to let go, to smile to

Make people smile and do all the nice things in the world…

The fact is love turns us into a very good human being. It makes you do all the nice things. It makes you suddenly turn into this wonderful person who would never let anything wrong happen to any dear one. It gives u all the strength to deal with all the adversities in life, to come up with fantastic ideas that please all around you. The capacity to deal with tough situations rises to an all-time best.  It dawns upon you that how crucial it is to ensure that the most important thing in life is that you should not be the reason for anyone to be upset.

The worry is the more u wanna take everyone along, and keep almost everyone happy - the more load u sign up to carry on u. Now because “YOU” were the one in love and were feeling on top of the world and “YOU” were prepared to bell the cat of evil and solve world hunger and poverty – u suddenly decided that u r gonna make them all – each and everyone around u – Happy!! Nothing wrong actually, except it’s just a manic state of being or like having smoked pot – where u r continuously high – but on a legalized drug called LOVE…

Here u go – the trouble is u were having a beautiful experience of being in love – that started with you being happy and your partner being happy, but now BAM! You suddenly in your manic state of being decided to extend the happiness to the world and u are no longer the person in love finding happiness in the smallest things of the relationship but you have moved on and have assumed that everyone’s happiness is associated with you being in love. Now is the point when u start doubting your relationship, your love and u start putting it through all the love validation tests.

The simple things in life are often the little things in life. That timely hug, a tiny peck, and a deep look in the eye that touches you till the heart are probably the most beautiful things of the world. They actually make u feel alive. However, as we grow and evolve into this love relation we tend to take these beautiful things for granted and start associating our love to larger things in life. When those larger things cannot be achieved as u wud have imagined, u start doubting the love in your life. Read the last sentence again! Think – what exactly are u expecting? Two people crazy about each other, wanting to care for each other, wanting to love & stay in love with each other – wow lovely! But when your heart determines your state of love to the worldly things - u are comparing oranges and apples! No use is all I can say!

Two people in love, the love u share with your parents, the love for your child – is all so pure and simple. There really are no expectations. It really is just love. When there is an outcome based model associated with it is when the problems start. Am not trying to get all fairy tailish here to say that love by itself will be all pink and flowery and sweet… well I am just saying that it is sweet – as long as its only love and not a medium to live a life as per your conditions with the person u chose to be with u in that picture perfect life.

To enjoy the beauty of love, one needs to stay in love and not just fall in love.  I strongly believe that staying in love is far tougher than just falling in love. Yeah yeah – I agree the newness of falling in love and the newness of that feeling of love obviously is a winner hands down. But how often can u keep falling in love – and then think of all the complications!

The most awesome thing about love is it evolves! It grows on u... it becomes stronger and better by the day. Of all the people who fall in love am sure only a few know to grow and live in love. Like everything else in life love too need to be nurtured and then is when it actually bears fruit.  I guess but patience is not one the most favorite virtues of those in love.  Just look around those who have stayed in love, gone through the ups and downs of life together still staying in love are the ones who truly appreciate love and being in love. They are the true ones who are happy and contented deep within. No regrets, whatsoever…

If you are fixated at the newness and excitement of falling in love, it’s like judging the strength of an iceberg by just the visible tip of the iceberg. Of course your Titanic is sure to sink. If we u wish to keep sailing and reach the destination of love (which by the way in itself can be an equally rich conversation)… you have to have the strength to deal with the love… is maybe why they say that u fall in love – cause that’s only the beginning. To feel the true love and to enjoy it for life u need to keep rising above…

So before I come back with another thought on the destination of love – sit back and think – how far have u evolved in love!!

Love… live… evolve!!