A date with yourself

Joe decided to go for a stroll in the park near his house. The idea of a walk was tiring; somehow he still decided to go ahead. It’s been a while since he had spent some quality time with himself. As he grabbed his jacket a bazillion thoughts run past his mind. It’s only when he tripped on one of the stair he realized he had already locked the house and was out half way to the park.

The noise on the street, the traffic, buzzing of people all around him, seemed loud enough yet nothing could distract him enough. He was still thinking about the unfinished painting he had been working on for days now. The story of unfinished business is kind of catchy. Before you know it you have already thought of all the things that seem to have stuck en route – books, holiday plans, goals, dreams, wishes, desires, thoughts, conversations and plenty more.

The train of thoughts in Joe’s head seemed to be running faster than the TGV in France. The serenity of the park appeared to have ignited the brain work more. It was almost a compulsive behavior to link all the unfinished business in life to his incapacities. This is what disturbed him. He had achieved enough in life. He was one of the best student in school, the most applauded kid at home, had done all he could in his capacity to be a great friend to few folks he wanted to, achieved enough and more accolade in career, a caring and loving father, the prince charming kind of husband..!!

Everyone around him seemed more than happy with him yet something was still missing…

Peace of mind, satisfaction, or maybe some kind of actualization of the self!

All the happiness in life and the picture of the perfect life seemed to appear in black & white – something deep inside yearned for the colors in life!

By now Joe had forgot the count of the number of rounds he took in the park. He sat down on a bench under the mimosa tree. Something about watching random people in the park made him smile. It’s funny how observing people around gives you a quite glimpse into their lives. Their expressions, their frowns, their smiles, the tiny giggles, the lost lonely ones… they all tell a story, you just need to step out of your own pre-occupied minds and you see a world full of interesting stories.

These random observations drifted from people to two sparrows totally engrossed in making their nest. The two sparrows kept struggling, working hard and gradually giving the nest a final shape. Their passion and undivided attention until they finished working on the nest was astonishing.

Joe almost felt a connection with the birds. It compelled him to simplify life. We all are born into nests made by someone else, nests which are someone else’s dreams… these dreamers want one thing – your safety, and offer you bundles of love and care.

Give it moment think about your parents, what do they ask of you – some would say “nothing” and some would say “quite a lot” – net net – less or more all connects to a single thought – “you” should be happy and safe!

The same thing gets instilled in you – you work hard, you give your best to life, to work, to home, to family to make sure those who constitute to make your life – your dream, the ones who give a purpose to your life should be happy and safe.

Like a light bulb that lights on Jerry’s head as in “tom & jerry show”, a light bulb lit on Joe’s head!! Looks like he had done a lot to claim the best in all spheres of life, yet life is not only about building the best nest… Bringing in the best food once the eggs hatch… It’s much more than that. Tons more!!

Joe contemplated – is it about spending quality time with friends & family… he was sure doing that, and hence was the best at home and outside of home - both. He knew this concept was much larger than just doing all the right things for the right people.

Life is not about duties and responsibilities alone. It’s also not about the well-defined rules of society and our value system.

It’s your life... It’s about you…!

The sad part is we realize this only after a lot of life has passed, coz till then you are only running to make sure all that needs to be done, must be done – is not only done, but done well!! Bravo!! You did it.

Now welcome back to your life – what do you want to do with it?

Joe thought about the birds again. After a wonderful nest is made, the eggs are laid, they hatch, the tiny birds are fed, they are taught to fly, survive, and live on… the tiny birds fly away!! Leaving the beautiful, painfully made nest behind, the memories of sacrifices made to feed the baby birds, the struggles of protecting the weaklings, the dreams to see them fly high up in the sky…!

But life doesn’t end there, that’s not the only purpose of life – although that is one of the significant things in life since a lot of your life and you gets defined by it… but yet again Joe thought – “my life cannot be only about doing all that I ought to do… there’s got to be a larger purpose to life.”

The purpose was still unidentified – but just the thought of identifying what was the cause of discomfort in his life – Joe felt a sense of relief. He knew what needs to be figured out next. It’s the life that birds need to plan and live after their tiny tots had learned to fly and were gone already! It cannot be a life of meager existence, it had to be more meaningful and richer experience that’s self-fulfilling, satisfying, and peaceful.

Joe got up from the park bench sort of thanking the mimosa tree and the birds with a great smile and started walking back to his house. Even before he could step out of the park a call from work took all his attention and got him engrossed into pushing the team to ensure the numbers were met for the company to achieve the targets. Life as we know it – had taken over yet again.

Joe still had a contented peaceful look on his face as he at least knew what he needs to look for in his life – beyond work, family, love, kids, and duties…

His date with himself at the park ended well… he knew this date could lead to a meaningful relationship with himself!!

When was the last time you took time to date yourself?  J

Only Me ruchi: Emptying your closets

Only Me ruchi: Emptying your closets: About a month ago a friend was shifting base from one continent to another. The most basic thing in such situation, as one would imagine wou...

Emptying your closets

About a month ago a friend was shifting base from one continent to another. The most basic thing in such situation, as one would imagine would be “packing the stuff”.  Well we too had numerous conversations around packing and then timelines and then delaying and then finally packing again. When we had these conversations there was an incomplete thought in my mind which recently finished when I had to pack up my stuff to move base.

The point is not about packing. It’s much larger – it’s about emptying your closets.

Whatever you gathered – you hoarded – you were fixated too… all comes pouring out – when you empty the closets! Things, moments, memories, mistakes, weaknesses, and all that’s ‘you’ and is hidden deep somewhere in some closet. Interestingly all these things neither grow nor die locked in that closet. They just show themselves when you allow them to.

You don’t need to move base to empty your closets – try pouring your heart out to someone – this would lead to sorting of thoughts. But that’s not where it ends… this is just the cleansing process!

The true realizations don’t strike when you are cleaning these closets – that’s just the time of sorting them out – most of the stuff peacefully would settle back in as you would be able to justify in your head that how important all that is to you.

The time to let go happens when you need to pack your life into a couple of suitcases – no lift and shift allowed. That’s when the interesting realization of what belongs with you for life and what doesn’t happens.

Same applies to your heart. In most of the scenarios we behave like movers and packers and safely pack all that’s been with you – whether yours still or not ! You keep carrying the extra load from one destination to another that life takes you to. And every time you land into a new location you come with the same excess baggage and life seems to be a drag of the past.

Do you still think it’s only about letting go? I seriously doubt that. I think it’s about making peace. With who you are and not what you use to be... With your present and not what you would like to do or have… It’s about making peace with your own greatness of having lived an accomplished life, rather than holding on to morsels of stolen moments from the past

It’s much greater than letting go, it’s about continuity of life

Therefore, all that belongs with you for life is only what’s yours now – this moment. No matter how strongly you feel for what was or what ought to be – it’s all going to be safely placed in a closet and not come in handy!

Live in the moment – when there is no baggage no longing no load – you feel so much lighter and you feel free to enjoy life every bit – like a globe trekker.

Looks like it takes a lifetime to know what it really means to travel light! And trust me it all begins with emptying your closets!!

Only Me ruchi: Simply Helping

Only Me ruchi: Simply Helping: It’s too complicated to be simple… “I think all I want in life is pretty basic stuff”…   “I am an open book…”   “I really mean what I say…” ...

Simply Helping

It’s too complicated to be simple… “I think all I want in life is pretty basic stuff”…  “I am an open book…”  “I really mean what I say…”  “I hate hypocrisy…”

Very often we have heard these from a lot of people around us – the so called – claiming to be simple people…! Think again about each person one more time. Really?? No I mean it – really?  Well einh… looks like not simple after all.

All those people claiming to be the simplest around u –and of course this could include yourself too - if you make these statements too J are in reality the most confusing soles in retrospect.

Okay let’s park this thought aside for a moment. Let’s move on to the helping kinds.

Think about all the situations in life when you have felt the need of some help, from someone who has been close preferably – but then as the situation gets desperate you longed for the help of just about anyone. The interesting thing is that this world is a wonderful place. There are quite a few people who would show up – to help!! While you are busy thanking them and your stars for having all the right people in life at the right time and therefore all the much deserved help, you seem to forget the very basic lesson learned in life – rather the very first lesson learnt in life, “there is no free lunch darling!!” 

So basically – no help is free. Big or small… Asked or offered... It all comes with a price tag.  Everyone has an agenda – an ultimate ulterior motive. Some of them are too excited to announce it you and get a negotiation started and some would patiently wait for the right time and then claim it appropriately. When in most cases you end up returning the favor and are in no situation to refuse.

It’s like using up your credit card – it feels awesome to have used that lil extra help that you could not have managed on your own. Then before you know it’s time to return that favor – and mostly at the worst times. So you have three options – return on time – whether you like it or you don’t, return a lil later if you can afford the interest, or else the third option – get black listed and then the life long after effects – mostly again at the most desperate situations!! This is exactly how we return all the help we ever took in life from anyone – near or dear, known or random!

Now let’s step back to the first thought – of claiming to be simple… make a tiny effort to connect the dots. It’s not too different.  All those claiming to be simple are the ones who enjoy all the complications. They are the ones… the most difficult to decipher.  Just like the longest helping hands are the ones with the longest hidden agenda’s – the self-proclaimed simple people have the most complicated intentions and lives.

Talking about all this in no way means you can never have simple people around you or you cannot have a simple life or that you will or should never find help considering the payback. The need of the hour is the need of that hour and the payback can always be worked out. Like most of us have had torturous times paying back those credit card bills yet not most of us have screwed up credit histories.

The only concept that makes sense to me is that it’s okay to fall upon someone; it’s absolutely okay to admit at times that you can’t handle it on your own.  A constant effort to be simple would need a constant effort to know yourself better and more importantly to be more comfortable with yourself. The acceptance of who you are and who you want to be but can’t be – is what really rules the game.

The trick is to still Play on and thus Live on!

Only Me ruchi: Bailing the self

Only Me ruchi: Bailing the self: Just like every night I lay on the bed with my 3 year old to put him to sleep. Of course now was the time for a bed time story. I read him “...

Bailing the self

Just like every night I lay on the bed with my 3 year old to put him to sleep. Of course now was the time for a bed time story. I read him “Plummet”. There was something in that story that touched my heart and put shaurya to sleep…

It talked about Plummet – a flying frog – who couldn’t fly, hence was sad. Later he figured he was just named a flying frog – but was supposed to only jump high from the trees  and glide… he learned about it from a friend and was happy again as the forced inability in life had been negated.

I think a lot of us are like that. We assume roles, talents, beliefs, thoughts, etc. and then keep pushing ourselves to achieve that as per that assumption, which no one forced on you – but u yourself!!

In psychology we use this to define personalities. This tug of war between your true and your ideal self… What you really are and you’d rather be. The funny thing is this tussle – this unsettling feeling is of you with you!! who would you blame – you or you !! J

It’s nice to keep raising the bar, but when you know what is getting judged is you and who is judging you is also you, then how to settle in. On the one hand it gives you that kick of doing something better, continuous improvement and of course the satisfaction – on the other hand it’s a constant reminder of all that’s not so good about u… all that – that must be improved.

The thing with this tussle is that no role, no thought, no belief gets overlooked. You end up scanning yourself so much that you seem to be constantly aware of what’s missing, what needs improvement, what should be completely changed etc. who you love, how u love, what u love, how u work, what u do, every single thing about you is getting scrutinized…

The point is – “u are what u think u are”. Your level of confidence, your self-respect and the most important – your own opinion about yourself is extremely critical to gauge your happiness quotient. Basically how satisfied you are with your own self is a function of your self-respect and your acceptance of your true self minus any comparisons to your ideal self.

The easiest thing in life is to like someone or to dislike someone by a quick process – “opinion making”. Before you know it – you are already making an attempt to change yourself to be like someone or making sure you are not like that disliked someone. Failing to realize that you have spent most of your energy and time in comparing, approving, disapproving life – with no time to having lived it!

Actually each one of us is the way we are for multiple reasons. Unless unavoidable life usually is better – with an attempt to live rather than evaluating if we are living a great life or no.

Imagine writing an exam where after every question you go back and check with everyone in class and try to evaluate which answer is correct and why…. Before u know the time of the exam would be over and u might end up not even looking at the full exam paper – forget attempting them! Maybe you knew most of the answers; maybe u would have dealt with some more important questions so much better. But probably you wasted too much time discussing something relatively petty… or got fixated at just one or two questions with no chance to even look at the full exam paper!!

The only way to get satisfactory scores in the exam of life is to attempt it with your best effort. Without having to worry how others are doing. It’s your life and you are responsible – you succeed by cheating, copying, or your own effort & hard work… any of this should you be your call – and not a sad repeat telecast of someone else’s life.

Is why people who keep peeking into others’ lives and try to copy others’ lives or are busy disapproving someone else’s  life should simply attempt to get a life of their own. Living and liking one’s own life isn’t that boring after all…!

 Stop being “Plummet” – stop feeling sorry for who u think u shud be but u are not. Start being who u are and accepting who u are – then u’ll be able to be what u are capable of being… bail yourself from your own judgment – live free!

 to life... !