Only Me ruchi: Who do yo blame when your child falls...!

Only Me ruchi: Who do yo blame when your child falls...!: It’s a usual thing, isn’t it! Children will fall… that’s how they learn, that’s how we all learn! I remember breaking a lot of things, i...

Who do yo blame when your child falls...!

It’s a usual thing, isn’t it! Children will fall… that’s how they learn, that’s how we all learn!

I remember breaking a lot of things, including some of my own bones when I was a kid. Falling is routine. However, what happens around that situation – when the tiny little baby of yours – falls. How do you console the kid, how do you make them stop crying…. Cause as much as you know falling is inevitable; you also know that one more tear on that cute little face and you are willing to take on the world for it. So what do you tell the kid?

The door was in the way…. The table’s fault it is… lets beat the chair – it was the chair that made you fall isn’t it…. Or was it the bad shoe… lets hit the floor – it made my sweet little cuddle fall…!!!

I can’t say I never did this with my own kid… but eventually I came to resent the concept…

What kind of messaging is this, in the pretext of taking care of our little one and to ensure there are no more tears, we are teaching them to blame someone else or something else for their falls. We miss out on telling them that you fell because of your own lack of focus. You were probably trying to do ten other things while on your way out so you missed a step and you fell.

The point isn’t that we shouldn’t cuddle the kid or sympathize on the fall or the hurt but along with all the love and care we must not let them believe that every time something wrong or something unpleasant happens to them it’s someone else’s fault. That’s a faulty message.

All this makes more sense when I came across some grown-ups, who under no circumstances would be willing to admit that any thing that ever goes wrong could be because of the choices that they make, or the choices that they dint make when they should have. Needless to mention of course all the good in their lives and for that matter in most other people’s lives is courtesy them!! This kind of turns them into being unreasonable & weird !

The last thing I wanted for my son is to grow up into being an unreasonable human being, although, I’ve kind of made my piece – we are all weird in some way or the other. So I tried it with him only to see how pleasantly surprised I was. He was more convinced then and more careful later…

The idea is not to blame a certain style of upbringing and acclaim another. The notion is own & respect your life choices. And we can learn to do that as early as when you are less than two years of age. But somehow we enjoy the concept of blaming someone else a tad bit more. It’s a different kind of thrill – that I don’t mess it up, all bad that ever happened in my life is someone else’s fault!!

Thrill apart, it kind of messes up your personality. The choices you make are your responsibility.  There always are situations that compel you to make choices that you may not be totally comfortable with, but still you do. It’s okay to give in to situations at times, to make the wrong choices under pressure, responsibilities, or even to please someone really important in life it’s okay – accept it, it probably was the best you could do. Later, when the choice totally puts you in a mess and you know this was the worst decision ever – the best thing you wish to happen in a situation like that is to find someone to hold responsible for all the madness in your life!! Bam!! You get away scot free from all the mess - and bingo there you are craving for all the victim sympathy from the whole wide world!!

Think about it – weren’t you a tiny bit responsible for all the good bad ugly in your life… think harder, life is much simpler and so much more beautiful when you know all that happened – happened for good and even more for a very good reason – the reason that you knew, you chose and you justified!!

Guess, the next time a child falls – it won’t be some furniture’s fault!!

Only Me ruchi: I don't deny that...!

Only Me ruchi: I don't deny that...!: I don’t believe it’s been really this long since I last wrote something. The numerous thoughts that run in my head and the mental enunciat...

I don't deny that...!

I don’t believe it’s been really this long since I last wrote something. The numerous thoughts that run in my head and the mental enunciations of those make me feel like I have it all penned down…! Somehow, I refuse to believe my own self that I actually did not write them. Guess that’s how we all deal with a lot of things in life, via the shortcut of “Denial”

And today when I finally got down to writing, it seems I can’t get past my own self without a humble confession! As it turns out denial isn’t all that fun, Huh!

We all live these denials day in & day out, in multiple facets of life.

Plenty many of us took a subject in school / college that maybe was the one that appealed to our parents or some significant other more, than it did to us?

A plentiful stay in a relationship that probably wasn’t the best for them but somehow since the denial kicked in life seemed normal.

Relatives, friends, people at work, neighbors, the jobs we do and the lives we live… everything seems to be surrounded by this crazy parasite – Denial. If not all the things at all the times there certainly are some of them at some of the times totally hijacked!

I still believe that we all have this great conversations with ourselves and let the damn denial live with us cause eventually we establish this give & take, this mutually benefitting situation with our momentous denials that we have agreed – can contentedly stay in our lives.

Having said this, like most other things that impact our lives strongly, denials are a matter of degree & are relative.  The beliefs that we negotiate with, the feelings that we compromise and the lies we tell ourselves are the nastiest kind of denials.  

The most interesting thing about denial is that it sometimes makes us a different person all together. Sometimes a better one indeed! A simple denial to a fact that one might have certain shortcomings could lead you to work your way into achieving heights that ordinarily might have been way beyond your scope. Coming to think of it, on the outside nothing is wrong if a little denial is getting you to do wonders. However, the tiny little problem in such a state would be that one might come to believe that they are beyond failure in all they endeavor.

That’s exactly the point where the side effects of living in denial would kick in. The very first one being a simple one that you are living in a fool’s paradise assuming everything you touch would turn to gold! Now that’s not exactly a good power to have – we’ve all learned that when we were a bunch of four year olds!

The thing with living in denial is that it’s like an addiction. To maintain your story you would lie to your friends & family, to the near & dear, to the loved ones and worst of all to yourself.  The funny outcome of life going on in denial is that it shakes your trust in all around you. Since you have been so seasoned in lying to yourself with every breath you take that it’s practically impossible to believe that everything around you isn’t a big conspiracy, that everyone else is wrong and they are all out there to get you. And I am the only one who is always the victim.

Well keep denying all you can, but in case you missed noticing it’s not leading to happiness. Is why the constant tussle – of you with you! It’s like this temporary fix on a messed up wheel of your car – it can be a great stop gap arrangement for a few miles but if you don’t get a permanent fix on it – well no surprises very soon it will burst!!

The best part is when in denial all our excuses seem so genuine and hence we don’t feel guilty, as we are so bloody convinced that it isn’t a lie.

So whether it’s that talent that you think you have – but you don’t. That relative that you believe you struck a chord with years ago – but you haven’t. That best neighbor you always wanted to be,  that dependable colleague you always thought you were or the perfect confidant that you think you are – but you aren’t… the desire to believe that you in fact are all these things,  would suck you into denial, before you know it. Before you ever get to really work on that special kind of person that you always thought you are gradually becoming,  denial would have taught you to lie seamlessly to your own self…

“The worst kind of lies are the ones that we tell ourselves before we go to bed!”

The trick lies in getting tricked & tricking others at times but in never ever falling into our own pretty little lies!

Deny That… Will Ya… !

ruchi

Only Me ruchi: Are you the good witch...

Only Me ruchi: Are you the good witch...: So I was having this quite Sunday evening   and surprisingly enough I had the TV left alone for me. For some strange reason Shaury had dec...

Are you the good witch...

So I was having this quite Sunday evening  and surprisingly enough I had the TV left alone for me. For some strange reason Shaury had decided to play with his toys, explore his books and do everything else but watch TV!! What’s even more surprising is that at that very moment there was actually something nice on tv!! So I sat down to watch the series of “The Good Witch”.

The movie just reassured my belief in magic. Ah, don’t worry am not going to turn this blog into one of those Harry Potter kind series – although I enjoyed all the movies, but still – NO. That’s not the kind of magic I am talking about. The simple belief that – all that happens, happens for good – is a sort of magic, a mother putting a baby down to sleep is magic, a smell from long long ago reminding you of summers at your granny’s is magic, in the deepest darkest times you still hope for good is magic, you finding the love of your life in the strangest ways is magic!!

There is a lil bit of magic in every walk of life. We all believe in it in our own secret and discrete ways. To notice this magic we just need be a little extra alert and there the crystal ball makes it all clear.

We begin our life with magical stories. All the fairytales were probably the best thing that ever happened to you for a long long time and thanks to Disney it’s much much prettier than your imagination!!

Trust is a fragile thing, once earned it affords us tremendous freedom. But once it’s lost the damage is beyond repair. Of course the truth is that we never know who we can trust.  It’s the dilemma of this trust quotient that allows the ones who are closest to us are ones who can betray us and those who are total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end most people decide to trust themselves only. That’s what the magic in you can do to you. you have to trust yourself and the magic in you at all times else the suspicions can end in tragedy and the shallow trust you show in others without having total faith in your own self will be put to trial at every step in life…

Magic no magic, the life goes on…. Well actually the true thing to say would be that whether you have noticed the magic of your life or not,,, life still does go on…! It does takes us to be in the darkest moments of our life to see the magic of light. We all have it within us, but not all of us see it.

Sometimes the only magic we seek is magic itself!

The good witch though a witch… is good. Is trying to fix people, things and the town of Middleton on the whole!! The simple reason why she could fix things was not only because she is the witch but because she knows what she wants and who she wants and how to get that… with us, the humans, the situation is that we are all searching for someone, that special companion, some kind of assistance and safety. Depending on the will with which you seek magic and how clearly you see that magic inside is the effort with which we search. There are times when we are searching very hard… and we do find all three. Sometimes when we fail miserably in finding any of this and we resort to praying that they find us…! At this point we depart from our own magical strengths… we lose the good witch within us and crave for help in desperate ways… those are the moments if not dealt well can turn the good witch in us into an evil one…!

To know if u are still working with good magic or black magic, if you are the good witch or the evil twin is very simple, u just need to know if u r desperate in seeking what you crave for or are u in the process of evolving yourself at the right pace…!

May the good witch live long !!

Be true to someone....

Suddenly a streak of light ran through her face. The shine of the tiny beam of the sun disturbed the happy deep sleep that embraced all worries all the dreams all the love all the sadness that made Naomi who she was.
Even before the bright green eyes opened she did a quick mental calculation of time for all that she has to do before she can get back at the tapestry she had been working on and strangely was getting hugely attached to. But life isn’t exactly as simple as the final version of the tapestry it’s more like the tricky weaving to get the right combinations of threads and colors.
She wiped her tears not really sure why did they decide to show off their trickling skills first thing in the morning. Like always she gathered herself together, with numerous incomplete thoughts, little lost, little confused and yet smiling like the morning sun.
The fresh fruits in the garden spread their sweet fragrance throughout the large beautiful house. As Naomi got on with the various morning chores the train of thought took her back to her happy place. Actually there was something about the smell of the morning coffee it took her back to her mom’s hundreds of miles away in a tiny village of France. The free mornings there the pampering the love the randomness of life… The usual music that would be on every morning, the sibling quarrels, the disagreement on breakfast and lunch menus, the ganging up in naughty affairs, the crying the not talking the cuddles the beatings the dresses and the smiles…she missed being at home! Suddenly the sound of the doorbell got her back to the present time. She stood there confused – this was her home, this is where she belonged, lived, had a family what’s this about this one thought that kept coming back to her at the most unexpected at the most random hour forcing her to miss “home”!!
She opened the door not noticing anything outside of the door, and walked back to the kitchen. It was Eric with a huge bunch of countless colorful tulips – Naomi’s favorite flowers. It was her birthday today. Eric had learned to deal with Naomi – love her for who she was and even for who she wasn’t… she was caring but particular, loving but not unconditionally, passionate but not too accommodating, helping but choosy … it was a weird combination of good and bad.
At noon when Naomi could finally sit peacefully with her tapestry she smiled. There was a strange connection that was building between the peace of art and her heart. She felt as if her heart was pouring out through the colors and the design on the cloth was actually an outcome of an unconscious conversation between the needle and her heart. She herself wondered how this would end, what would it finally look like, and with a strange ironical feeling be sad as she dint want this tapestry to finish… She was finally talking, talking honestly, without any fear, and was loving it…
All good and bad things come to an end, so did the tapestry – one late night, Naomi sat on the stairs of the veranda leading to the beautiful garden, the full moon light shining on every single flower and leaf of the garden. The tip of her needle was glowing like a tiny diamond sword; the water in the pond in the center of the garden peacefully homed the shadow of the moon unwillingly sharing the room with just one more star. Naomi wondered in bewilderment… she had been sitting there for some hours and had not woven a single thread in all that time. She looked at the piece of cloth with a strange work of art on it that made her smile… that got a tiny droplet of tear in her eye – something deep inside her heart was at peace… and that’s when she was convinced that this was the end of it. She sew no more… she was okay to let this look the way it sat in her lap so bright and shiny and dynamic and yet so quite…!!


The tapestry is exactly how u imagined it to be when u started reading this :)