Pilot .. Co-Pilot.. Passenger..

A recent conversation with a friend on buying a house brought this interesting thought. She seems to be in the "just looking" mode now, yet, so sure of what she wants, yet, not fully aware of what is she looking for...

A simple flow of conversation about customizing the house made me wonder isn't that exactly how we deal with our lives. Some of us are comfortable with the kind of house that's most easily available, some like specific customizations, some are happy with little opportunities and flexibility and some need to build the whole thing their way!

So is the life. If you see the path of your life laid out for you, step by step and all you gotta do is walk then you are probably living a life architected by someone else. You no longer are the designer of your own life. You are the convenient tenant in your own life, where someone else calls all the shots.

No matter how the days are passing by, there never is a dull moment in life. Really, think hard, something or the other will keep challenging you in some way or the other. Although, getting a hang of what gives you the kick and what bores you to death could be a long drawn tiring process. Most often this journey of self exploration is loaded with days of frustration that makes you wonder what the hell are you doing with your life and where are you headed...

In times such as these the true test of your own power comes in, do you try to follow your own navigation system - be your own pilot, be the co-pilot - take help from the special few, or just let anyone and everyone take over while you sit there wearing a seat belt and not wanting to take charge.

This is not really an argument to support independence or self esteem, hence the point is not that always be your own pilot - your own navigation system sometimes could completely throw you way off course. It's at this point - of being off the course that is the most dangerous - cause now you are at your vulnerable best to surrender to 911... sadly whoever first answers your call gets to be your Maester... the half backed problem solver of your life!

These Maesters can actually be some people with very genuine intentions to help you so that you do the right thing and get back on a right track in life. Sadly enough these right things and the right tracks are decided by these helpers. We learn to fool ourselves into this guided, directed life by others in various ways. Some of us just find it simpler to let someone else do all the analysis and tell you a practical doable solution. Some of us just pretend to be naive that even though someone is piloting my life, or is the architect of the house that i have to eventually live in every single day of my life - one fine day things will fall in place just the way I'd rather have them done.

The essence of the matter is that by letting people pave the path of our life we conveniently step aside from taking the responsibility of our own life, and these "helping buddies" conveniently take over all the responsibility. They are not intruders you have red carpeted them in your life to rule your life!

Interestingly it doesn't end here. There is an exorbitant price you have to pay to give your life away. It's not your life anymore, it's a projection of someone else's life that now you are so familiar with that it feels like your own life.

Even more interesting is the fact that a majority of us are doing this without even acknowledging it, some of us think nothing can change now, this is how my life has been and will be, some of us want to do something but don't know how...??

If you are in the cage and enjoy being powerless, it's ok. If you do want to change things then the first thing would be take back the ownership of your own life. This is much easier said than done, as someone who is in the comfortable passenger seat has now to take on the steering wheel and the navigator's hat and be responsible for all the good bad and ugly in your own life. BIG TASK. Since it's so simple to blame, not having someone to blame for your life's choices but yourself - Big Big Task.

What do you think could be the biggest road block in getting the gears in your own hand? Your regret that you should have taken charge of your life earlier... You ought to be doing more hard work in life than you use to... Not really...

The biggest challenge will be to overcome the habit of support from your so called well wishers and create a healthy space between your life and your relationships - especially the knights of your life who come to protect you everyday in every walk of life.

The problem is it is not easy to recognize these people in your life who have their own "agendas"

A simple solution is - don't go out there fixing their agendas or trying to fix these people - else you would have soon crossed over to the dark side and be one of them. Just focus on having your own agenda for your own life and living it with full responsibility.

Good Luck - and don't worry. Your life is your own song - sing it your way - no one else knows the lyrics better than you...  :)

Only Me ruchi: Lessons from Terrorism

Only Me ruchi: Lessons from Terrorism: Of course we all despise the terrorist. There is no reason even in your dreams to think anything remotely good about them. Let me also cla...

Lessons from Terrorism

Of course we all despise the terrorist. There is no reason even in your dreams to think anything remotely good about them. Let me also clarify at the outset that nothing dramatic happened in my life that I have suddenly decided to “join the gangs”! You know how they show in the movies – all bad guys are the bi-products of unbelievable wrong doings! No no no… none of that…

I was actually wondering – have you ever come across a news flash that says a major terrorist attack was planned but it failed as the leader who was supposed to hi-jack the plane or take people hostage or drop a bomb etc… etc … couldn’t wake up on time, or was running 5 minutes late – so he missed the train he was supposed to bomb… or he snoozed his alarm 3 times and then it didn’t ring anymore!!

Like really!! Do they never get stuck in traffic jams, or get pulled over for a ticket or let’s say forgot the bomb at home! Oops I picked up the wrong bag!! Or I forgot the bag with the bomb at Starbucks!!

And for once imagine if they have families… last minute when you are rushing out to a subway to bomb a train and the wife gets upset that -  “you can’t go – my parents re in town and you agreed to take them shopping”, or the kid falls off the bike and needs to be rushed to an ER..

Like C’mon!! We use these every day!!! In any organization with more than hundred people at least 10 of them face one of these issues – EVERY DAY!

Well you know I din set out to humor this, I actually believe that there is so much to learn from these guys. Think about the most significant attribute – Attention to Detail – there is no way on earth they can negotiate this one. You cannot afford any oopsies…  and normal non terrorist kind of people like us - we rarely pay attention – these oopsies happen almost every day with our work, our home, our kids!  

Yet another one – leadership – well there must be disputes and I am sure there must hierarchy’s too – like maybe the smaller terrorists attack the trains the bigger ones hijack the planes! Or some shit like that… but when they do that – the outcome has no trace of personal disagreements!!

A very cool one is the Target / Goal Achievement – something most sales folks struggle with month after month and quarter after quarter – guess what they don’t! or maybe they do – maybe each one of them is assigned a territory and a certain number of people to be killed … !

Concentration, passion for their job, focus, and consistency… just look at the amount of precision that goes in something so obnoxious, horrible and something that can bring no good to anyone… ever!

All It got me thinking was if all this dedication and passion goes into something which in fact is meant for the larger good, things that the regular people like you and me do on a daily basis – how flawlessly we would excel in all that we do, the level of perfection it would bring to our tasks, our lives and all that we endeavor!!

Like they say – there is some good inside of the darkest evil – well this is what I believe is the good that can be extracted from terrorism!!

Hate them yet learn from them!

Respectfully Powerful or Powerfully Respected !!

So what do you do when a child refuses to listen to what you demand? Scold, scream, shout, punish – in acceptable or unacceptable ways…!  Okay. No worries, we are actually not judging your parenting skills. It’s okay also coz that’s “your” kid and you certainly would be doing a great job as a parent.

I just wanna say that this “show of power” proves that you are extremely good at expressing that you are in fact powerful with those who are rather – powerless in front of you.

What happens when kids grow up? They do thing that their parents or elders want them to do not because the elders have the power but out of respect.

We all listen to a certain boss because of power and then there are those bosses that you would go beyond the call of duty to do things that would like to be done because you respect them.

So what exactly is going on here?

I’d say it seems like some kid who is getting bullied goes and bullies another feebler kid. Just like ragging, or for that matter a daughter in law and a mother in law relationship. Everywhere there is this fake sense of power which is desired and yet somehow not appropriate.

I strongly believe that the mess in life and relationships happen when there is confusion in power and respect. When people seek one instead of the other, when people enjoy one instead of the other or even when people give one instead of the other…! The grand confusion of power & respect is born!

Have you ever secretly asked yourself – what’s your poison – power or respect?

Coz if it’s neither,  you haven’t really spoken to yourself in a while. It’s unreal that you do not enjoy or crave power or respect!

It becomes all the more crucial to know what gets you going cause that in a certain way would define your personality, the current stage of maturity that you are in. it’s fairly simple – if power is what you are looking for primarily then you have a lot more growing up to do. I am not saying that’s it’s amateurish to pursue power it’s just seems more like an opening act… like the stand-up comedian before Pink Floyd comes on stage to perform!!

It’s the chicken and egg story – what comes first. However, we must also know that as much as there is no order or sequence of appearance in this act of power and respect they are unbelievably interwoven. This apparently is the logical part. The fun begins when you have tasted both and over a period of time you decide which is real evil that gives you the kick for survival.

There are different situations and different life events for each one of us that determine what we finally decide to stick with as the fuel to our engines. As unreal as it sounds trust me and you know it – you must chose here… one would be the passion and the other would be your addiction. They would never be exclusive of each other and one would always follow the other.

The game of life takes its own turns depending on what you pick to be your first love. Again here I am not debating which of the two is better – remember they are both evil addictions and that none of us gets to escape...

Your choices, your circumstances and all that wires you to be “you” defines whether “Your life is a game of power that you live respectfully or the wealth of respect that you earn powerfully “

The day you know the answer your life, the choices you make, and happiness will all become one big fat happy family.  

Keep discovering yourself, there is lots more to know about your own self than you think you know!

Keep reading…

ruchi

Only Me ruchi: Who do yo blame when your child falls...!

Only Me ruchi: Who do yo blame when your child falls...!: It’s a usual thing, isn’t it! Children will fall… that’s how they learn, that’s how we all learn! I remember breaking a lot of things, i...

Who do yo blame when your child falls...!

It’s a usual thing, isn’t it! Children will fall… that’s how they learn, that’s how we all learn!

I remember breaking a lot of things, including some of my own bones when I was a kid. Falling is routine. However, what happens around that situation – when the tiny little baby of yours – falls. How do you console the kid, how do you make them stop crying…. Cause as much as you know falling is inevitable; you also know that one more tear on that cute little face and you are willing to take on the world for it. So what do you tell the kid?

The door was in the way…. The table’s fault it is… lets beat the chair – it was the chair that made you fall isn’t it…. Or was it the bad shoe… lets hit the floor – it made my sweet little cuddle fall…!!!

I can’t say I never did this with my own kid… but eventually I came to resent the concept…

What kind of messaging is this, in the pretext of taking care of our little one and to ensure there are no more tears, we are teaching them to blame someone else or something else for their falls. We miss out on telling them that you fell because of your own lack of focus. You were probably trying to do ten other things while on your way out so you missed a step and you fell.

The point isn’t that we shouldn’t cuddle the kid or sympathize on the fall or the hurt but along with all the love and care we must not let them believe that every time something wrong or something unpleasant happens to them it’s someone else’s fault. That’s a faulty message.

All this makes more sense when I came across some grown-ups, who under no circumstances would be willing to admit that any thing that ever goes wrong could be because of the choices that they make, or the choices that they dint make when they should have. Needless to mention of course all the good in their lives and for that matter in most other people’s lives is courtesy them!! This kind of turns them into being unreasonable & weird !

The last thing I wanted for my son is to grow up into being an unreasonable human being, although, I’ve kind of made my piece – we are all weird in some way or the other. So I tried it with him only to see how pleasantly surprised I was. He was more convinced then and more careful later…

The idea is not to blame a certain style of upbringing and acclaim another. The notion is own & respect your life choices. And we can learn to do that as early as when you are less than two years of age. But somehow we enjoy the concept of blaming someone else a tad bit more. It’s a different kind of thrill – that I don’t mess it up, all bad that ever happened in my life is someone else’s fault!!

Thrill apart, it kind of messes up your personality. The choices you make are your responsibility.  There always are situations that compel you to make choices that you may not be totally comfortable with, but still you do. It’s okay to give in to situations at times, to make the wrong choices under pressure, responsibilities, or even to please someone really important in life it’s okay – accept it, it probably was the best you could do. Later, when the choice totally puts you in a mess and you know this was the worst decision ever – the best thing you wish to happen in a situation like that is to find someone to hold responsible for all the madness in your life!! Bam!! You get away scot free from all the mess - and bingo there you are craving for all the victim sympathy from the whole wide world!!

Think about it – weren’t you a tiny bit responsible for all the good bad ugly in your life… think harder, life is much simpler and so much more beautiful when you know all that happened – happened for good and even more for a very good reason – the reason that you knew, you chose and you justified!!

Guess, the next time a child falls – it won’t be some furniture’s fault!!

Only Me ruchi: I don't deny that...!

Only Me ruchi: I don't deny that...!: I don’t believe it’s been really this long since I last wrote something. The numerous thoughts that run in my head and the mental enunciat...